Andy Samberg

Who are the Beyoncé, Kelly and Michelle of your musical comedy group, the Lonely Island?
[Laughing] That’s a loaded question. If I say I’m Beyoncé, I’m going to get in trouble. I mean, I’d like to say we’re three Beyoncés. But the truth, see—Akiva is more Kelly, that’s all there is to it.

Why is that? Does he have the legs of the group?
Yes, Akiva has legs, and his ideas have legs as well.

Do you think you’d be as successful if it weren’t for your hair?
Absolutely not.

Any plans to cut it?
Hopefully. It’s hard to imagine being a 50-year-old guy with this head of hair.

The New York Times probably wouldn’t print the title of your song “Jizz in My Pants.” What euphemism would you suggest they substitute for jizz?
Maybe jazz. Jizz sort of like the jazz hands of the penis.

Who would you rather have as a guest star in a threesome, Jorma or Akiva?
Jorma. I mean, I just trust him more. He makes me feel safe.

Which Marky Mark film do you think is the best “date” movie?
Gosh, I dunno, Departed? That movie is awesome.

Are things cool with you and him now?
We’re cool. I’d like to make a point that I would never refer to him as “Marky Mark,” though, because I think he’d try to kick my ass.

Which guest host should come join the SNL cast permanently?
There’s certainly a bunch that could, but I think a lot of them have pretty good day jobs going for them. Let’s see…Justin Timberlake, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and those types. Alec Baldwin, obviously. He could have been a cast member for the last 20 years.

Will the Lonely Island do bar mitzvahs for the right price?
For the right price, yeah. I imagine it’d be a pretty hefty price, like 40 bucks.

Is there a lot of pressure for you to think of a funny answer to this question?
Not particularly. [Pause] Was that funny?

Not particularly.

—Interviewed by Dana Schuster

The Lonely Island’s debut album, Incredibad, is released Tue 10.

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