Fest augmentation

Photograph: Courtesy of MSG Entertainment (left), Matthew Kreiner

THE OLD
The Radio City Christmas Spectacular has been providing joy and long legs for nearly eight decades. The Rockettes are possibly the only entities on earth with the ability to outkick Chuck Norris. Radio City Music Hall, 1260 Sixth Ave at 50th St (christmas.radiocity.com). Through Tue 30, $42–$250.

THE NEW
EndTimes Productions presents “Naked Holidays NYC ’08: Hide the Milk and Cookies.” Highlights (lowlights?) include terrorism among the elves and seduction at the north pole. The Gene Frankel Underground Theatre, 24 Bond St between Bowery and Lafayette St (endtimesproductions.org). Thu–Sat 7:30pm, Sun 3pm. Through Sun 28, $18.

THE OLD
The globe-trotting New York Philharmonic plays that classic messianic ode by George Handel in a seasonal performance at Avery Fisher Hall. It’s Messiah-rrific! 1941 Broadway at 65th St (nyphil.org). Thu 18 at 7:30pm; Fri 19, Sat 20 at 8pm. $30–$104.

THE NEW
For Kimya Dawson, Boxing Day isn’t about returning her gifts, but instead celebrating ten years of being dry. Friday 26 is her “10 Years Off the Sauce Extravaganza!,” with Akida Junglefoot Dawson, Malcolm Rollick and more. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St between Bowery and Chrystie St (212-533-2111, boweryballroom.com). Fri 26 at 8pm; $15, advance $13.

THE OLD
The classic tale of miniature dancing infantry set to Tchaikovsky is back for its annual stint at the New York City Ballet. We’ll resist the urge to make an adolescent scrotal joke here. New York State Theater (at Lincoln Center), Columbus Ave at 63rd St (212-870-5570, nycballet.com). Through Jan 3, $10–$215.

THE NEW
The Salsa Christmas Party at S.O.B.’s on Friday 19 will be so hot, any snow in the general area will melt straight away from the heat generated by legendary Puerto Rican musician Yomo Toro and New York’s finest, Zon del Barrio. Hace calor. ¡Hace mucho calor! 204 Varick St at Houston St (212-243-4940, sobs.com). Fri 19 at 8, 10pm; $15.

NEXT: Dave Attell vs. Ben Lerman»

Photograph: Courtesy Of Comedy Central (left)

THE OLD
Everyone’s favorite TV night owl, Dave Attell, is starting to get on in years, but he’s still ready to party with the kids at Carolines. 1626 Broadway between 49th and 50th Sts (212-757-4100, carolines.com). Fri 26–Tue 30 8, 10:30pm; $41.75.

THE NEW
Anderson Cooper–loving musical comedian Ben Lerman brings his particular brand of melodic yuks to Comix for “Lerman Holiday.” 353 W 14th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves (212-524-2500, comixny.com). Tue 23 at 8pm; $20, advance $15.

THE OLD
A jacket is required at the swank Rainbow Room, a place where richer people than us can cruise in on Christmas Day for the Grand Holiday Buffet. 30 Rockefeller Plaza between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 65th floor (212-632-5100, rainbowroom.com). Thu 25, reservations available noon–7pm. $200.

THE NEW
Beginning Saturday 20, folks at the Edison Ballroom will be cutting rugs and taking names as George Gee and his 22-piece Make-Believe Ballroom Orchestra star in Sleigh Bells Swing, a hep holiday musical production that includes dancing and a four-course dinner. 240 W 47th St between Broadway and Eighth Ave (212-201-7650, edisonballroom.com). Sat 20–Jan 3 at 7pm, $190.

THE OLD
Giving change to the Salvation Army guys ringing bells on our street corners is a time-honored New York tradition. Just make sure you save some for the mariachi band on the train ride home. (salvationarmyusa.org)

THE NEW
Graffiti artist collective Smart Crew USA is setting up donation boxes at various locations in Brooklyn, Manhattan and Queens, and giving out limited-edition gift vouchers/postcards by way of recompense (ask nicely and maybe they’ll tag up your snowman). Donate anything from canned food to video games to fancy hats; all donations will be given to charitiesof the crew’s choice. (smart-crew.com/smartcares.html)

THE OLD
At St. John the Divine (as opposed to the little-known St. John the Flatulent), recognize the union of pagan and Christian with Paul Winter’s 29th Annual Winter Solstice Celebration. This musical event features the return of the newly restored Great Organ, making its first appearance since a fire at the cathedral seven years ago. 1047 Amsterdam Ave at 112th St (212-316-7490, stjohndivine.org). Thu 18, Fri 19 at 8pm; Sat 20 at 2, 8pm. $35–$75.

THE NEW
New York Mets general manager Omar Minaya gives an impassioned reading of “The Night Before Christmas” at the Church of the Intercession. While we’re all there, let’s ask him to pray for a decent bull pen for next season. 550 W 155th St at Broadway, (212-283-6200, intercessionnyc.dioceseny.org). Sun 21 at 4pm, free.

NEXT: <em>White Christmas</em> vs. holiday "cheerotica" »

---

THE OLD
The current Broadway production of Irving Berlin’s classic White Christmas perhaps suffers a bit from its lack of the Binger, but traditional holiday stage productions are still the best way to go—at least when you have elderly, smut-averse family members in tow. Marquis Theatre, 211 W 45th St between Broadway and Eighth Ave (whitechristmasthemusical.com). Daily 8pm, through Jan 4; $65–$140.

THE NEW
Holiday “cheerotica” purveyor Meow Meow comes to the Highline Ballroom for a limited engagement. She has had her shots and is ready to cough up some sultry hair balls to hang on the old Christmas tree. 431 W 16th St between Ninth and Tenth Aves (212-414-5994, highlineballroom.com). Sat 20–Mon 22 at 8pm; $30, advance $25.

THE OLD
The lazy will content themselves with either buying overpriced, underthought gifts at Macy’s or just cutting out the middleman and ordering DVDs (prewrapped!) straight from Amazon.com. The slightly more adventurous can pick up something nice from the holiday booths in Bryant Park. Sixth Ave at 40th St (866-221-5157, bryantpark.org). Through Sun 28.

THE NEW
Support local business initiatives and keep corporate America out of Brooklyn by taking advantage of discounts and late hours along Fifth Avenue in Park Slope, during the Park Slope Snowflake Festival. (buyinbrooklyn.com/blog). Thu 18 until 10pm.

THE OLD
In the olden days (ahem, last year), a busy person like you could hardly find time in the workday (remember those?) to shoot down to the corner Starbucks (it seemed like they were on every corner!) for an overpriced hot cocoa. Ah, the days of yore...

THE NEW
What’s that? More time on your hands? Go that extra mile to The Chocolate Room, which in July opened a location in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, in addition to the original in Park Slope. With hot cocoa this good, the terrorists will never win. 269 Court St between Butler and Douglass Sts, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn (718-246-2600, thechocolateroombrooklyn.com). $4.50.

THE OLD
Take a horse-carriage ride through Central Park. Those poor animals shouldn’t have to carry your package-schlepping, reindeer-steak-laden ass around the city, but when in Rome… Hail a carriage on 59th St at the south end of the park (centralparknyc.org). Approximately $34 for the first half hour.

THE NEW
If skis were a good enough means of locomotion for a martini-swilling Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, they’re more than good enough for those of you who swill spiked hot chocolate. Outdoor Bound runs cross-country ski trips just beyond the city limits. The next one leaves Saturday 27; pack your thermos. Meet at the northeast corner of 73rd St and Broadway (212-579-4568, outdoorbound.com). Sat 27 at 7:30am, $85.

NEXT: Crappy movies vs. good movies»

Photograph: The Palm Beach Story Courtesy Of Film Forum (right)

THE OLD
Nothing says ho ho ho like going to the movies to see crappy annual holiday hokeyness—like this year’s tinsel-strewn stinker Four Christmases or Adam Sandler’s latest schlockfest—just because it’s marketed as a feel-good holiday movie. It will probably be better if you drink lots of Grandma’s special nog.

THE NEW
For those who like good movies, Film Forum presents “Essential Sturges,” double features of flicks directed by Preston Sturges, for the entire holiday week, beginning with Christmas in July/Remember the Night and finishing up with The Lady Eve/The Palm Beach Story. 209 W Houston St between Sixth Ave and Varick St (212-727-8110, filmforum.org). Wed 24–Jan 1, visit website for times. $11.

THE OLD
Ice skating at Rockefeller Center has been a rite of passage since, oh, before you were born. Trouble is, there are a lot of tourists around here come the holidays, and they are apt to get underfoot. Don’t hate on them too much, though: The out-of-towners are pretty much the city’s sole remaining source of income. 30 Rockefeller Plaza at 49th St (212-332-7654, therinkatrockcenter.com). $19 per session, skate rental $9.

THE NEW
The new rink at the American Museum of Natural History has synthetic ice and a giant, ferocious-looking polar bear in the middle. Check and mate. 79th St at Columbus Ave (212-769-5100, amnh.org). $10 per one-hour session, includes skate rental.

THE OLD
The West Village Chorale has led an annual caroling walk each year since 1974. This season, it happens on Friday 19. They sing all of the old classics for the well-heeled aristocracy that can still actually afford to live in the area. Meet at 487 Hudson St between Christopher and Grove Sts (212-517-1776, westvillagechorale.org). Fri 19 at 7pm, free.

THE NEW
The Yara Arts Group is putting on the multidisciplinary show “Still the River Flows: Celebrations of Winter Rituals from the Carpathian Mountains.” We’re picturing Vigo from Ghostbusters II doing an interpretive holiday soft-shoe, but the reality is more traditional music, Nativity puppets, dance and a photo installation. La MaMa E.T.C., 74 E 4th St between Second and Third Aves (212-475-7710, brama.com/yara). Fri 26–Sun 28 at 7:30pm; $25.

THE OLD
Watching the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve can be fun (especially if you happen to see a UFO, like some reported in 2007), but ever since the Y2K letdown, the whole thing has been a bit of an anticlimax. (timessquarenyc.org)

THE NEW
In case Y2K’s running nine years late, get away from shore aboard Circle Line’s New Year’s Eve cruise. Open bar, flat-screen TVs and climate-controlled decks help ease the anxiety. Pier 16, South Street Seaport (circlelinedowntown.com). Wed 31 at 10pm, $200.

NEXT: WHO NEEDS SANTA?»
Tired of the usual Xmas onslaught? Test-drive one of these traditions.

---