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The truth is, I felt a little dorky when I recently asked readers to respond to the scathing letter [TONY 775] from the gay male NYC-escapee who moved to Chicago, quickly found love, and now has nothing but disdain for all things homo (particularly Eighth Avenue in Chelsea) and romance-centric in this city. But as it turns out, a lot of you couldn’t wait to have your voices heard. Let’s start off with a gay guy who completely disagrees with the letter writer:

I read the letter of the gay douche who couldn’t get noticed on Eighth Ave and moved to Chicago. You’re right—it’s about your attitude, not where you are. I lived in Chicago for more than 12 years, couldn’t get a date, thought they were all stuck-up, superficial poofs. I moved to NYC with the attitude that it was a gay man’s playground and that I would fuck like crazy every day. Three months after moving here, I met my boyfriend—on Eighth Avenue no less—and we’ve been together for six years running.

Take that, stupid Windy City! But, alas, things did not go well for NYC after that. Here’s another gay dude:

Well Jamie, since you asked, I’d have to agree somewhat with that guy. I’ve lived in this city for 12 years and have not been able to click with anyone. I am educated and in good shape, have a well-paying professional job and outside interests, and am reasonably good-looking, but in meeting men to form lasting relationships, I’ve been very unsuccessful. I’ve had lots of sex, but never once made love with any man who cared about me beyond an orgasm. I think New York suffers from the “grass is always greener” syndrome. No guy feels he has to work on a relationship because there is always another guy around the corner. If you want sex in NYC, there’s plenty of that. But love? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Ouch. Okay, let’s get a straight woman’s take on romance in the city:

With regards to the gay guy who found love in Chicago, I’m not surprised. NYC is the easiest city in which to get laid and the most difficult in which to have a meaningful relationship. Everyone here is on the prowl, and generally on the prowl for what they believe is better than what they’ve already got.

I was married for 19 years, and my ex found a Brighton Beach babe the age of his daughter who hooked up with him—a middle-aged man—for the convenience of a Manhattan apartment. As for me, well, I have a very nice (younger) lover who likes having a fringe benefit in addition to a wife. This is the New York way. The truth is, NYC is filled with egoistic overworked citizens who believe they can move from partner to partner without consequence. I’ll bide my time with meaningless sex, but I do hope to retire to real commitment (and great sex) one day soon in North Carolina.

And finally, the last word (and some helpful hints) from another gay gentleman:

The Eighth Avenue Gay Men’s Walk: For years, I went home in tears. What is it about that road? Some realizations, now that I am free of it: (1) Get rid of the sex obsession thing—that’s something that’s learned and can be unlearned, but it’s hard. Cultivate Buddhist ideals of nonattachment. (2) Stop projecting desperation. Everyone can feel that. Who’d want to be around it? Positive affirmations. Positive sexuality. Confidence. Make these thoughts into mantras, and repeat, repeat, repeat. (3) Be honest and write down what you are looking for in a relationship or causal sex. Be specific. Meditate on it. If you can’t be clear, how can anyone pick up on it, or how can the universe respond? (4) Develop other interests and hobbies. If true love or casual fulfilling sex never happens, at least you will have had an interesting, fulfilling life and you might meet someone when you least expect it.

And never give up hope.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.

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