Get naked

Q I’ve been dating this girl for about a month. The sex is amazing and I actually dig her, which for me is something of a rarity. Let’s cut to the problem: I was out of town for a funeral. My sweetie texted me a few naughty photos. Problem is, the funeral was upsetting, and I had taken an Ambien. Halfway through the naughty texting, I fell asleep. When I saw the texts the next morning, I replied that the pictures were really hot, and that I’m sorry I had missed them, and explained that I had taken Ambien. She replied that she was embarrassed and needed a few days away from me. I replied that there was nothing to be embarrassed about, and that it was fine. She said the incident had set off her crazy mode and that she was deleting my number and that if I wanted I could contact her in a few days, and that she hoped I wanted to. So (a) what’s going on here and how do I unfuck this? And (b) should I really wait a few days, or should I contact her right away?

A Are you sure you want to unfuck this? I don’t think I’m being unduly harsh when I say that this woman’s behavior seems melodramatically wearisome. You can’t expect the person you’re dating to act exactly how you want them to in every single situation. And you were at a funeral, for crying out loud. Can’t she get outside of her head long enough to have compassion for you? Still, if you want to resurrect this relationship, you should not wait a few days to contact her. She needs your reassurance ASAP. Why you would want to get back into a situation like that is beyond me, but if that’s what your heart wants, you’d better hurry up and let her know that you think she’s the coolest totally un-cuckoo person you’ve ever met.

Your recent reply to the guy asking about the New York fetish scene seemed so weak I felt compelled to write. That place you recommended sounds like a tourist attraction. Here are a few suggestions you may want to pass on to that reader: The Eulenspiegel Society (tes.org) is a go-to place for almost everything fetish. The Baroness (baroness.com), the East Village’s own queen of latex, hosts monthly themed play parties, as well as major events like the Rubber Ball. In New Jersey, KFE: Knot for Everyone (knot4every1.org) has Monthly Munches—non-play social meet-ups—as well as monthly play sessions at private dungeons. My suggestion: Introduce yourself. Go to a club event. Become involved in the scene and you won’t have to pay a pro-domme who services businessmen’s fantasies.

All right, so call me a vanilla loser, but I thought the Fetish Fortress sounded cool. Clearly I was wrong because you’re not the only one who took issue with that response. Another female fetish enthusiast also wrote in to say:

You have stated before how much you are not kinky. People who are drawn to kinky behavior are not helped by your exuberant ignorance! Try searching “bdsm” on Amazon or go to Paddles, “the friendly S&M club,” and see what people do. You also could have referred your reader to fetlife.com, a kind of Facebook for kinksters, or bondage.com, which has forums and calendars of local events.

Okay, I’ve been whipped into submission. Hopefully giving you gals the opportunity to supply the insight I didn’t will get you off my unpaddled ass. Thanks for the info, and the next time I get a BDSM question, I’m coming straight to you two for advice.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.