Get naked

Q I am a newly divorced, straight female. I have recently begun dating again, and here is my question: Do I have to remove all of my pubic hair? I was married and faithful for 15 years, and last time I was single, nobody ever mentioned shaving that stuff off. So imagine my confusion when my first new sexual partner after a decade and a half showed thinly disguised displeasure at my very short, clean, well-groomed pubic hair. He insinuated that everyone shaves that off now, and my two single, close girlfriends have told me that they remove it all. I have tried this a few times, and it always resulted in lots of ingrown hairs, a red rash and an uncomfortable, itchy grow-back period. That waxing thing sounds too violent for my taste. I really don’t want to feel like I have to shave it all off, but I don’t want to appear like an out-of-touch, hairy freak, either. So, is it true? Does everyone nowadays go bare down there? And what if I don’t want to?

A I hope you’re sitting down for this. Yes, it’s true, and get this: Even dudes are big on losing the pubic hair these days. Clearly, you haven’t been faithfully reading my column throughout the years because the predominance of sex-organ baldness has been a hot topic for a while now.

But here’s the thing: Even more than a shaved cooch, the quality that’s going to get you furthest in the dating world is confidence in who you are and what you believe in. If you don’t want to depilate your crotch, then don’t. Sure some dudes will give you the hairy eyeball about it, but you’ll be being true to yourself rather than trying to be all things to all people (a losing life-strategy if ever there were one). Besides, there are increasing signs that the unshaved look is making a comeback, so here’s your chance to be ahead of the curve and self-empowering. Stick to your hirsute guns!

Q I’m a 29-year-old girl in a relationship/friendship with a 35-year-old guy. I met this guy two years ago and was instantly intrigued. He’s intelligent, good-looking, creative and fun. I consider him my soul mate. We hooked up right away. The sex was awesome. After a month, he asked me to just be friends because he felt that a relationship wasn’t the right thing at that moment. We have been living together since then. I waited in vain for our relationship to start again. He hooked up with two different women. After some months of total breakdown, I finally gained control of my life again. I went out with girlfriends, started having fun, getting to know men.

And then it came: He totally freaked out, telling me I am egotistical, he still has feelings for me, saying I’m the one who is not ready for a relationship (he feels, in relationships, I just look out for myself, sucking the other’s energy). He says he has feelings for me but is afraid I would fuck him over. Besides all that, there’s still the basic feeling that he is my soul mate. What should I do?

A Psycho alert! Psycho alert! Clearly this is a guy who’s a serious control freak. Everything must go according to his plan or he starts lobbing emotional bombshells and tries to wound as deeply as possible. Give me a break. You finally came to your senses when you decided to start socializing again; whatever you do, don’t fall back into thinking this guy is some sort of catch. I get that you consider him your soul mate, but perhaps he was just your soul mate for a short window of time when you needed him to be, up until that point when he revealed himself to be unworthy of such a title. Move on, and move on quickly. In fact, there’s no way you should be living with this dude. Time to make a clean and complete break.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.