Get naked

Q My quandary: I’m an American guy who’s currently living in London, but I plan on moving back to New York City in a few months. One thing I’ve started to really enjoy in London is the fetish scene. Some very cool, expressive club nights as well as a large number of open-minded people exploring various kinks have enlivened me. When I was living in New York, I did a few fetish things with an ex, but nothing to the extent I have seen in London. So is there anything out there in New York for us burgeoning fetish freaks? Or perhaps I should stay here in soggy (and cold) Britannia and continue to work my way in and explore this cool scene?

A It always drives people crazy when I admit this, but I’m a super vanilla dude. My nipples like to be caressed, not clamped. My buttocks prefer to be fondled, not flogged. And the closest I’ve gotten to being pleasured on a “rack” has been using my chiropractor’s spinal decompression machine—which has done wonders for my lower back. That being said, even I am intrigued by the NYC establishment I’ve found for you. Behold: The Fetish Fortress (fortressnyc.com). Dubbing itself “New York’s Most Modern BDSM Playspace,” the Chinatown Fetish Fortress clearly takes its business seriously and seems to be highly focused on its core consumer, namely guys “who appreciate beautiful skilled women who share their tastes and have devoted their lives to the BDSM lifestyle.” The place is even down with the economic times, acknowledging that people don’t necessarily want to spend a fortune on kink. Sessions here start at $170 an hour (have I lived in New York too long or does that actually sound reasonable?). They also offer a “Dinner and Domination Special,” which gives you the opportunity to have a few tapas with your dominatrix. My point here is: Don’t worry about London kicking New York’s fetish ass. Just get the hell out of there before the Olympics.

Q I read your column faithfully although sporadically, so I am responding to this a bit late. It’s regarding the recent advice you gave to a 25-year-old woman who was afraid she might cheat on her 38-year-old beau. You told her to stay in the relationship and fight her urges. Would anyone recommend the same to a 25-year-old man? Doubtful. Somehow, we women are supposed to value security above our hormones. That’s crap! I was with an older guy at that age, and although I felt bad about it, I cheated even though I loved him.

Young women have raging hormones, but we’ve been encouraged not to act on them for the sake of domesticity. She should not ignore these feelings, or she will feel trapped and miserable. I’m glad I split with the older guy and had sexual adventures. I’m now in a happy relationship with someone of a similar age to me. I’m not saying our situations are identical, but I thought she should have another point of view besides stifling her youthful hormones, which we would never encourage men to do.

A Give me an effing break. You really think that’s the only reason I would recommend not cheating? Because she’s a chick who should value domesticity more? You seem to be so proud of yourself for getting some on the sly, when in fact, the proper thing to do would have been to be honest with your boyfriend about your hormones making it impossible to be in a monogamous relationship. Instead, you took the coward’s way out. (FYI: I really do still want you to be a faithful reader, I swear!) The chick in question loved the boyfriend and had convinced herself that she was just born to be a cheater. I tried to shake her out of that misconception, and I would do it exactly the same way again. My only regret: that I didn’t get to you, as well, back in the day.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.