Get naked

Q I’m a hetero woman, and in the past few years I have played with a lot of men, but never had a relationship that extended outside the bedroom. I recently met a drop-dead handsome man with a fantastic body—just looking at him sets my loins on fire. He is great with his mouth and hands, and is a considerate boyfriend outside the bedroom. However, he has the smallest penis I have ever encountered. His erection is barely enough to penetrate me, and then once he’s inside, it’s all over in a couple of minutes. Some women like oral or being fingered; I just love a lengthy pounding with a rock-hard cock…and I’m not getting it. But despite his inability to deliver, I get horny just thinking about him. He gets my juices flowing in a way that no other man has. Should I break up with him now before I get too emotionally involved? I don’t want to give up the boyfriend experience as well as the unbridled lust he stirs in me. Will I eventually lose interest in him because of the less-than-stellar sex? We’re both in our late thirties.

A I always love it when a sentence like “He gets my juices flowing in a way that no other man has” is immediately followed by “Should I break up with him?” Why in the name of all that’s holy would you preemptively end a solid relationship (not perfect, but solid) just because there’s the possibility (not a guarantee) of feeling a little more intense emotional pain somewhere down the road? Furthermore, why isn’t your question, “What can I do to recalibrate my thinking so that I’m not so focused on his puny dick , while being overly dismissive of how well-meaning he is?” (It really barely penetrates? I have to admit it’s hard for me to even get a mental picture of such a travesty.) Answer: practice, practice, practice. Presumably you’ve had more than your share of rock-hard cock-poundings during your life, and they’ve still left you single and searching. Instead of doing and feeling the same things over and over again (and getting the same result), why don’t you just let this thing play out? Don’t forget: You’re actually into being with him. At least wait until he drives you up the fucking wall before you trash what seems to be a pretty good thing.

Q Is impotence trendy all of the sudden? The past 12 or so men I’ve attempted to sleep with can’t seem to get or keep it up. I’m talking healthy, twentysomething men, who barely drink and don’t do drugs. I do everything under the sun—foreplay, dirty talk, letting them watch me masturbate. They seem to like it, but then they go flat, apologize, and the mood is killed. I’m starting to get frustrated—I think I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a dick inside of me. I’m attractive, and men seem to enjoy being with me, so tell me, dear Jamie, is it normal for guys in their twenties to have boner issues? Or is it something I’m doing (or not doing)?

A I chose this letter as a follow-up to letter No. 1 mostly to show the woman above that dumping her guy isn’t necessarily going to solve all her problems. Having said that, hell no, it’s not normal for so many twentysomething dudes to be going all squishy in the sack. Obviously, I don’t know all the variables involved (you don’t happen to have really furry chest hair, do you?), but nine times out of ten, alcohol has something to do with it. Even if these dudes aren’t completely wasted, if they’ve been drinking more than they’re used to, it can wreak all kinds of phallic havoc. Mostly though, I think you’ve just encountered a string of serious bad luck, so don’t read too much into it. Just get back out there (after you trim the chest hair, of course), and I can practically guarantee that the next guy you round up will give you all the rock-hard cock you need.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.