Get naked

Q I am a 62-year-old male and I have always been interested in phallic worship. I’m not sure when it began (young!), but I just know what I know and I’ll let someone else figure out why. As to why I am writing, well, I went online and I read about the Temple of Priapus in Montreal. I even wrote to the head of the temple there and he informed me that there is a temple in New York City, but I have been unable to locate it. For what it’s worth, I’m not a member of any kind of law-enforcement agency, I’m just a guy who likes to worship cock. If you can please help, I would be very grateful. Any suggestions, sites to visit—it would all be most appreciated.

A Boy, it’s nice to know you can still learn a thing or two even when you’re a decade deep into this sexpert stuff. An actual religious ceremony for cock worshippers? Hard to believe, but it’s true. I read a great piece about the Montreal chapter of the Temple of Priapus in the archives of the Montreal Mirror. The high priest of the international order talks about how he always felt a connection between his love of dick and his spirituality, so much so that he was moved to create the world’s third modern-day cock cathedral in the late ’70s—San Francisco (of course) and Calgary (say what?) beat him to it. At religious ceremonies, the congregation is naked, the priest is in a robe, and apparently there are all sorts of penis-shaped doodads (like candles and statues) kitsching up the place. There are even a bunch of penis-centric prayers, which you can find on their website (templepriapus.org), such as, “I believe in you, Divine Cock, symbol of glory. My life has meaning since you taught me to worship you. You are the center of my body, of my life, my sexuality, my spirituality. It is for you and about you that the world is united.”

Unsurprisingly, perhaps, there is lots of postmass sex to be had. But as the high priest points out, there are plenty of other places for cock worshippers to do their thing without adding a spiritual dimension to the practice (there’s a sermon delivered here, people), so it’s not like this is just a run-of-the-mill sex-party theme park. Plus, the church does enforce a lot of rules that your average bathhouse wouldn’t: no “overt drunkenness, fighting, hard drugs, disrespect for the high priest or his designate, [or] anal intercourse without a condom.”

To avoid attracting creepy looky-loos and ne’er-do-wells, the temple instituted an interview process for those looking to join the congregation. This, I believe, is why it is completely impossible to find any sort of information about a chapter of the church existing here in New York City. If I were you, I’d get back in contact with the head of the Montreal temple and let him know that you’d like to interview to join and meet your fellow Gotham-based phallic faithful. Either that, or hightail it to Montreal pronto.

Of course, I have to admit that even with the religious trappings, as I read about the Temple I couldn’t help but suspect that this might be a well-meaning, spiritual guy’s way of making himself feel better about being overly obsessed with cock. But then I read the high priest’s quote about what the church means to him. He says: “For us, the phallus is a tool, a path to follow. It opens the door to a spiritual sense. It may not be the right thing for everyone, and that’s fine. There’s no one door to spiritual truth. Everyone has their own different way. This is our way, that’s all.” He sounds like a sincere guy, so who am I to argue with that?

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.