Get naked

The unsolicited PR material that arrives in TONY’s “Get Naked” e-mail inbox is a spectacularly wide-ranging hodgepodge. We receive everything from porn studio press releases (“Charlie Sheen’s Party Girl Kacey Jordan is the Star of Two Sex Scenes on Vivid.com starting today”) to a series of what-the-hell-are-they-thinking advertisements touting “The Perfect Gifts for Mother’s Day.” Usually, I just quickly scroll by them until I find a letter from an actual person who has some sort of sexual deficiency, but this week I was sidetracked by an e-mail with the subject line “Sexual Robotics event listing.”

Being the open-minded, forward-thinking person that I am (okay, I was actually hoping to find someone who might give me a free Fleshlight in a goody bag), I clicked, and inside I discovered that on March 24 there’s going to be a lecture titled “Hey, Where’s My Robot Girlfriend? An Exploration of Sexual Robotics, Teledildonics and Carnal Technology” at the Observatory art space in Gowanus, Brooklyn (543 Union St between Bond and Nevins Sts; observatoryroom.org; $5). The use of the word teledildonics (those are sex devices that can be controlled by a computer or other electronics) made me think two things: (1) I have now found a replacement for bukkake as my favorite sex word; and (2) I may need to do a little continuing education, because clearly there’s a whole universe of cybersex going on out there that isn’t on my radar.

So I did a little research and discovered some fascinating info for technologically inclined horny people of both genders. First, guys can enjoy a $250 sex toy called the RealTouch (realtouch.com), which is like a souped-up masturbation sleeve that allows you to stick your dick in a doohickey that lubes, pulses, warms and mimics the sensations your cock would be feeling if it were starring in that porno film you’re watching. Now that’s technological progress.

Alas, the female-centric techno device I came across is a bit less cutting-edge, but is still a cool toy to have in your arsenal. There’s the Freestyle :G, a funky $120 vibrator from OhMiBod (ohmibod.com); you attach its dildonicness to an iPod, iPhone or MP3 player (and your home speaker system) and the music will literally pulse right through you.

One last thing I discovered: Although industrious, horny geeks are currently working on tons of ways to give you an orgasm via technology, there’s one major impediment to their work—Apple’s staunch anti-pornography stance. As a huge fan of Apple products (and as someone who gave his six-year-old nephew an iPod Touch so he could play Angry Birds), I don’t like slagging the company; I get why they want to keep their App Store from becoming overrun with X-rated fare. But there’s got to be a way for Apple to allow adults to make the most of their teledildonic futures without bombarding those who’d rather steer clear of it. Perhaps someone will come up with an answer at that lecture on March 24.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that screed out of the way, let’s get back to doing some good, old-fashioned advice-giving.

Q I’ve been dating this guy on and off for more than five years. We have a few issues we need to work on, but my biggest gripe is that he has a lot of female friends who are into him. He hangs out and talks and chats with them often. When I question it, he tells me that he’s not interested in them, so it doesn’t matter. Nothing will ever happen. I think I believe that, but I feel like he’s leading them on.

On two separate instances, he’s taken a trip with a female friend who confessed her interest in him during the trip. Afterward, their relationships have never been the same because he doesn’t want to be intimate with them. He also recently went to visit a friend to “help her move.”  When he got there, she didn’t have any boxes ready. I don’t know all the details, but it sounds like a ruse to get him to stay over and spend quality time with her. Could it be possible that he doesn’t see it coming? Is he really blind to it or is he lying to me?

A Here’s the problem with this question: I can’t really get inside your boyfriend’s head, and frankly, neither can you. Therefore, we can’t obsess over what we don’t know for sure. My advice is that you stop dwelling in the gray areas—if you don’t really suspect him of cheating, then just let it go. He’s a guy. Obviously, he’s going to be into girls flirting with him even though he has a girlfriend. But it doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything wrong. He should be allowed to go on trips with friends or help a friend move without being accused of leading them on simply because he put himself in their presence.

If you want an example of when someone has seriously crossed the line, check out the e-mail (which covers similar territory) that I received shortly after yours:

Q My boyfriend still communicates with his ex-boyfriends and former flings via texts, Facebook and e-mail. They send him nude pics of themselves to which he masturbates. I’ve expressed my displeasure and he said he’d stop. Hmmm, time to move on?

A Umm, yes. I believe it is indeed time to move on. If you’ve made it clear that this is hurtful and inappropriate and he still continues to do it, that’s not someone I’d consider a considerate, trustworthy boyfriend. Technically, second letter-writer, he’s not cheating, but he is being purposefully and unnecessarily unkind to you. This isn’t a murky question like “Why is my boyfriend so damned attractive to others?” It’s a matter of not living up to the proper standard of being a caring, empathetic partner.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.