Real-life camping horror stories

A true story by Natasha Leggero
When I was 21 years old in the Australian outback, I was essentially abducted by a 43-year-old grifter from Sydney. I fell in love with him and he convinced me to give up my rent-stabilized Manhattan apartment and move to Sydney while his visa was getting sorted out. At the time I didn’t realize that his “visa getting sorted out” meant he was waiting for me to ask my mom to send us more money. One night he cooked us a dinner over a fire that consisted of meats and vegetables that he had stolen from the market in town. (You haven’t lived until you’re an accomplice to a middle-aged man stuffing potatoes into his pockets.) We blew up rafts and slept under the stars while coyotes howled and he tried to figure out the logistics of vacationing in Thailand with my student loan money. No horror stories were told those nights because I was already living one. In the end, I helped him move to America and he left me for a girl in Brooklyn with an inheritance. Since then I prefer the more luxurious version of the sport complete with plasma screens and 3,000-thread-count sheets. As for Australians, it’s a wonder they don’t just put them all on an island somewhere… Catch Natasha at Comix (353 W 14th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves; 212-524-2500, comixny.com) on July 31 and August 1.

NEXT A spooky tale to retell by Matt Weinhold

Andy Kindler | Matt Weinhold | Cast of Chelsea Lately

SEE RELATED

Cool camping gear

Camping spots near NYC

Wilderness-themed bars

Camping 101

More in Travel