Pocono Mountains, PA

In the timber-framed foyer of Great Wolf Lodge, nestled in Pennsylvania’s Pocono Mountains, a desk clerk voices her surprise that the couple across the counter arrived without kids in tow. She estimates it’s the sixth such anomaly today. We appreciate her observation: Young children abound here, precisely the crowd you would expect to embrace a 78,000-square-foot indoor water park with six pools and 11 waterslides. Thankfully, they share.

Totem poles prop up Great Wolf’s entrance, just one of many northern-woods touches that contrast with our urban lives. A fieldstone fireplace and antler chandelier in the lobby whisper romance, but screaming kids…well, scream “group travel.” Family-style suites come with water-park passes, though friends—willing to weather a pullout sofa—can purchase additional admittance for $15 a day. And while in-room coffee is complimentary, groggy adults usually race down the hall to a full-service Starbucks; a huge dose of caffeine is essential for managing the mania just beyond the steamy glass doors.

To counter the balmy 84-degree temperature, Great Wolf pumps in 380,000 gallons of liquid relief (per hour). Oblivious first-timers are often caught off guard when entering, by kids who douse them from their perch on an elevated pier. Masochists choose to stand under the 1,000-gallon dump, which occurs every six minutes, and which shocks with the sort of water pressure you’d expect from a fire hose. Tubes escort rafts through the park, sometimes detouring around the lodge’s exterior. A popular route drops floaters into a funneled bowl before a swirling flush takes them into a wading pool. Thrill-seekers should head toward Hydro Plunge, a coaster lined with consecutive conveyor belts to help exaggerate turns and dips. Despite 100 attentive lifeguards and relative order, childishness is the prevailing theme. Navigating a foam lily pad course feels wrong at adult weight, but only sore joints will deter you from trying. Low-impact options include floating along Crooked Creek or bobbing in the wave pool.

Photo: Tom Oiseau

The waterlogged can dry out with a handful of other activities. Pint-size participants seem to love MagiQuest, a fantasy-themed scavenger hunt stationed along guest wings ($25 for keepsake wand and game activation). Tweens and below find this a highlight, but adults will quickly roll eyes at its simplicity. The nostalgia of a boardwalk-style arcade (complete with 100 games and a ticket redemption counter) is a better shared activity among kids and adults. If the stimulation overwhelms, tap into your middle-school years by obsessing over the GameCube (offered by the hour) attached to your room’s television.

There are strategies for avoiding kids altogether. Spend daylight hours at in-house, full-service Elements Aveda Concept Spa, or frequent the eternally overlooked fitness center. Head to local ski area Camelback Mountain, or stock up on polos and sneakers at the Crossing Premium Outlets (Burberry, Calvin Klein, J Crew). Most kids face bedtime before the water park’s 10pm close, so take advantage of short evening lines. Retire to the whirlpool while you can, but be warned that ear-nibbling will elicit stares. An in-house buffet ($22 per adult) of sadly prepared international foods will have you returning to the salad bar. A better bet is the sandwiches or pizza rolls at the snack shack. Bars reside in and outside of the water park, but don’t expect a scene: Shoulder-tattooed dads take their Budweisers to go.

THE TAB

Family suite $429
Car rental 193 (including gas)
Tolls 9
Snacks 16
Spa 212
Meals 44
TOTAL COST: $903
(one night, two people)

By car: Interstate 80 carries you about 90 miles, just beyond the mountainous threshold of the Delaware Water Gap.
The details: Great Wolf Lodge (1 Great Wolf Dr, Scotrun, PA; 570-688-9899, greatwolf.com)

TRAVEL TIME:
1hr 40mins

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