1 Can you get someone’s attention?
If you can and are in the position to do so, scream “Fire” or “Help.” It will alert passersby and neighborhood residents to what’s going on. Gotham Jiu Jitsu’s resident black belt Peter Tay advises that you give the hooligans whatever they want, because staying safe is the most important thing—but he also cautions, “Once that line has been crossed and you feel that you are in imminent danger, do whatever it takes—including punching them in the head.”
2 Are you hurt?
Call 911! If you’ve been stabbed or shot or beaten, certified New York EMT (and TONY freelancer) Atsu Saisho suggests using an extra article of clothing to put pressure on the wound (but do not make a tourniquet). Don’t try to remove any knife or object that you’ve been stabbed with.
3 Did they get your wallet?
Call the police immediately. The longer you wait to file a report, the less chance you will have of recovering your stuff and seeing justice done. They will take note of everything stolen and—believe it or not—will alert you when and if they find a lead. Then call a friend, family member or coworker to come pick you up. Next, contact the bank and your credit card companies (Visa, 800-847-2911; MasterCard, 800-627-8372; Amex, 800-528-4800; Discover, 800-DISCOVER) to cancel your cards. To reach the New York State DMV about your missing license, call 212-645-5550.
4 How do you get home?
Don’t worry, you can still get back to your place—even without money or a phone. The cops, nice people that they are, will often see you there themselves. But if you’re penniless, frozen by fear, it’s Saturday night and you’re a “woman, transgender or genderqueer individual,” you can also ask the cops to call RightRides at 718-964-7781, an organization that provides free late-night chauffeuring to various neighborhoods (although not Staten Island). Otherwise, borrow a phone and have a friend meet you at the nearest bar for some postmugging cocktails.
5 When you get home
After you’ve collected yourself, recovered your wits and replaced your bank card, consider easy steps to avoid the situation in the future, like secreting money in some bodily orifice (at least change for a phone call), and maybe even purchasing something akin to Guard Alaska Bear pepper spray from a website like defensedevices.com. (If it works on bears, it will definitely work on urban predators.) That way, next time someone wants to start some shit, you can take all of their money.
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Bear spray explicitly says on the can NOT to use it on humans. It's more than a sprinkling of pepper in the eyes. Yeah, in a pinch I'm not going to have too many qualms (I wasn't going to carry a SEPARATE spray for the bears and the humans when I was hiking in Alaska recently--a human attacker would have been out of luck), but I don't think packing it as your first line of defense is a very good idea. Besides, have you ever seen one of those things? They're like the size of a fire extinguisher.