What your personal trainer is really thinking*

Who’s tougher, male or female trainers?

“Overall, female trainers are tougher. More importantly, trainers are tougher on the opposite sex—so female trainers on their male clients, and males on their females.”

60% Depends
“The politically correct answer is both. The honest answer is males. Except for Jillian on Biggest Loser. Someone needs to check that girl’s piss.”

Have you had a client who was obviously anorexic or addicted to working out?

What did you do?
“I spoke with her regarding why she wanted to work out, explained the dangers of her weight and tailored her program so that she could keep the feel-good portion of moving while doing minimal calorie burning. She’s since gotten counseling and is doing great.”
“I refused to train them.”
“The anorexic client I stopped training, and the exercise addict I changed their routine so they wouldn’t burn out.”

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen someone work out in?
“A woman who wore the same outfit every time I trained her”
“Crocs”
“Bra top and hip-hugger sweats…on a woman with double Ds and 50-inch hips!”
“Jeans and boots”
“Overalls”
“Clear spandex shorts so you could fully see his dick”
“A fur coat”
“Nothing”

What percentage of your clients have seen changes without changing diet?

“Men can sometimes get away with that. Or seriously overweight people who never worked out before.”

Worst breach of gym etiquette you’ve ever seen?
“Two people having sex in the sauna…but that’s a tie with the two people I caught having sex on a stretch table when I still worked for a facility.”
“Putting gum under benches”
“This dude smelled like a garbage dump. It was so bad, people would leave. The owner of the gym stepped in and actually suspended his membership. This guy smelled so bad, I’m getting sick thinking about it.”
“Too much unsafe gay sex in the steam rooms.”
“Guys wear very tight spandex shorts from the ’80s and you can see all the sweat coming from their ass and their penises sticking out. I even saw some members coming from the locker room and working out naked like nothing happened. The gym manager had to come on the floor and bring them back to the locker room.”

What is Hydroxycut?
“Garbage.”
“Don’t know. Don’t care. Don’t recommend it. Eat a steak instead.”
“A waste of time.”
“A waste of money.”
“A way to make money off of people’s body obsessions and laziness. If it is not something your grandmother would recognize as food, you should not ingest it.”

30-day makeover: myth or reality?
“But only for celebrities who have a private chef and personal trainer with them all 30 days.”

Have you ever accidentally injured a client?
“I dropped a dumbbell on a client’s toe once. She was fine.”

NEXT: What’s your secret unhealthy habit?»