Girdle power

Yummie Tummie black tank
$62, at Saks Fifth Avenue (611 Fifth Ave between 49th and 50th Sts, 212-753-4000)

Targeted area: Love handles, belly and back fatFirst impression: This feels just like any other tank top, I think as I slip on a long-sleeve tee over it. Almost magically, I look like I have a real waistline with sexy, curvy hips instead of my normal boxy shape. I’m in love.
Four hours later: I’m in pain. Sure, it’s keeping me warm (I’m at the Jets-Chiefs game!), but no amount of spandex can contain a muffin top while sitting down. My love handles are suffocating, and I’m having daydreams of ripping it off in a Hulk-like fashion.
Others’ impressions: No one says anything, so I’m assuming no one notices. After all, Jets fans aren’t known to hold their tongues.—Lisa Freedman

Lipo-in-a-Box capri-length bodysuit
$86, at lipoinabox.com

Targeted area: Thighs, butt, love handles and belly
First impression: It’s hideously ugly—I feel like a leotarded acrobat from Cirque du Soleil. I appear slightly smoother after putting it on, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the results rival surgical lipo.
Four hours later: It’s surprisingly comfortable; the only thing I don’t enjoy is having to take off everything just to relieve myself. There’s a hole in the crotch for this purpose (I think?), but I’m far too frightened to go there.
Others’ impressions: My significant other kindly tells me that it’s extremely unbecoming.—Corinne Mohr

Shapeez Unbelievabra
$85, at shapeez.com

Targeted area: Belly and back fat
First impression: I’m a horror show. The flesh-colored body-shaper clashes with my sun-shy skin, and I look like a grilled salmon. Getting dressed makes for an even sorrier story: The smooshing contraption turns my double-D ta-tas from Jayne Mansfield into James Manboobs.
Four hours later: My chest is still two-dimensional, and my bulge-camouflaging girdle has rolled itself into a bra. This match is simply not meant to be.
Others’ impressions: The boyfriend curls his lip, then laughs. Not the reaction I was going for. Perhaps the easiest way to avoid unsightly back fat is to avoid Kryloning clothing to my body.—Ashlea Halpern

Hanes Smooth Illusions Go Figure Seamless Waist Smoother
$18, at Macy’s (151 W 34th St between Broadway and Seventh Ave, 212-695-4400)

Targeted area: Thighs, butt and hips
First impression: If control-top panty hose mated with footless leggings, the offspring would be these slinky shorts. I feel tucked in but not noticeably more svelte, with nary a panty line in sight.
Four hours later: The skirt I’m wearing isn’t that short—honest!—and still I’m paranoid that the nude-colored shorts are constantly peeking out. They’re not uncomfortable, per se, but it’ll be a relief to shed these suckers.
Others’ impressions: No one else appears to notice the peekaboo shorts, but they also happen to be well-matched to my skin tone. It’s possible that my friends are just too polite to comment, but that’s unlikely.—Allison Williams

Spanx Reversible Tight-End Tights
$34, at Saks Fifth Avenue

Targeted area: Belly, butt, hips and thighs
First impression: My bargain-shopper self already loves these—they can be worn inside out, showing either black or brown. Plus, the “CoolMax” fabric actually keeps me warm without making me shvitz.
Four hours later: They haven’t shed ten pounds, but they definitely suck in my gut enough to ease my guilt about scarfing down pizza at 1am (until I get home and take them off).
Others’ impressions: Nothing. The band never digs into my stomach, so I’m never fidgeting around or pulling at my waist, which in the past has elicited unwanted stares.—Rachel LeWinter

Le Mystère Evening Seduction bustier
$125, at Saks Fifth Avenue

Targeted area: Belly and waist
First impression: Aside from making me look like I’d stepped out of a dominatrix’s dungeon, I don’t see much of a difference in my silhouette.
Four hours later: I’m sweating balls, even outside in the chilly weather. Otherwise, I’m mostly comfortable, aside from the odd dig from the corset’s wire structure.
Others’ impressions: No one has a clue what I have on under my dress. I’ll buy a whip and save this thing for next Halloween.—Kate Lowenstein

Must be the mummy!

Overly tight spandex is a good option for hot dates, but a search for something more dramatic led me to Suddenly Slender (29 E 31st St between Madison and Park Aves; 212-889-6300, bodywrapsmanhattan.com). This full-body wrap uses electrolytes and minerals to remove waste—rather than just water—and is guaranteed to shave six to 20 inches of fat off your entire body in just one session. I was measured in 18 points and then mummified in sopping wet elastic bandages, with each pass tighter than the last. Moving—and breathing—was difficult, but I was then instructed to engage in light cardio in the spa’s makeshift gym for an hour, stopping every 20 minutes to get rebasted in the mineral solution. I was a cold, pruney mess when the bandages came off, but I did, indeed, lose 7.4 inches all around. While these results don’t seem to be long-lasting (two days later, my pants felt tight again), my cellulite has been noticeably lessened. My coworker Rachel LeWinter was less impressed with her own Suddenly Slender results: “They said I lost 6.6 inches but I couldn’t tell the difference, and I’m pissed they made me work out!”—Lisa Freedman