Shrink rap

Meet the panel

The abusive coworker  |  The procrastinator
The loner  |  The commitment phobe
The rejected gay son  |  The cutter
The crime victim  |  The serial dater
The fast and the furious  |  The coaster

{Dilemma 2}

The procrastinator
I’m a 28-year-old male working full-time and trying to finish my dissertation. I’ve always been kind of disorganized, but moving in with my girlfriend has made matters worse. To avoid our messy apartment we end up going out a lot. Another problem is she doesn’t get the thesis thing. Every time I sit down I seem to get distracted, but I really want and need to finish it. With my degree, I’ll be able to move up to a more profitable job; without it, I’ll be freer of responsibility. How can I stop procrastinating and also get my girlfriend onboard?

Colette Pycha: I’d first do an assessment for attention deficit disorder as this could be contributing to the problems with procrastination and disorganization. If present, there may be a role for a behavioral approach and medication to reduce symptoms and help keep you more organized. A key area to work on is enlisting the cooperation of your girlfriend and improving communication with her. I’d suggest sitting down and sharing your feelings about the importance of your relationship as well as your desire to complete your thesis and have her support in the process. I’d suggest you use a daily planner, create schedules for cleaning and eating out, and write a to-do list every day to regulate your time and remain focused on your goal. A messy environment contributes to internal disorganization—and vice versa—so begin to address this problem behaviorally. Make sure to set aside some time for pleasure to reward both you and your girlfriend.

Gordon Strauss: Procrastination can be difficult to treat, and it gets worse when projects are lengthy and complex. You can’t bang out a thesis the night before! Sit down with your girlfriend and come up with a daily schedule that includes time with her in it. It might not be as much time as she would like, but at least then she can anticipate some attention from you without feeling abandoned. It will also give you the structure you need to finish your thesis. As clutter is distracting, it would also be worth the investment to clean up your surroundings, or pay someone to do it and consider it an investment in your future. You might have a problem sticking to your plan; cognitive-behavioral therapy is particularly helpful for this and would help you understand what keeps you from doing what you set out to do. Anxiety, depression and attention disorders can also flare up when you’re under stress and might require further evaluation and treatment.

Charles F. Ehrhardt: Practical solutions, which are obvious: One often goes to the library for the peace and quiet, and to get away from the distractions of everyday life. He should physically remove himself from the clutter of the apartment and the girlfriend that he claims doesn’t “get him.” Possible unconscious conflicts, which aren’t obvious, could be that perhaps he has some ambivalence about finishing the degree, i.e., meaning that more responsibilities are to follow: getting a better job, possibly marrying, starting a family, etc. Her ambivalence—possibly envy?—about his finishing his work says something about the relationship and subtly gets in the way. What are both of their fears about moving on into a more complex life, and how realistic are they? A few sessions in couples therapy might be of help.