iHome iH85B Cycler, $80
You wouldn’t think that those lady-slayers who cruise Tompkins Square Park with boom boxes strapped to their bikes care about safety—and they don’t—but they’re inadvertently playing it safe. It’s stupid, and illegal, to plug up your ears with headphones while maneuvering around buses, strollers and oblivious pedestrians. If you can’t forgo the tunes, but want to be a little more discreet than the lotharios from the park, consider sliding your iPod into this self-contained speaker system. Its tubular shape allows it to fit into any common water bottle cage, and you can control your tunes with a handlebar-mounted wireless remote—perfect for seducing ladies on the fly. And if you turn your head for too long and end up tangoing with a fire hydrant, the water- and impact-resistant case will keep your iPod safe.
Available at iHomeaudio.com
Spyder d3o Armored Crew, $350
Designed for hard-core mountain bikers (and superhero wanna-bes) rather than casual cruisers, this futuristic shirt relies on an incredible new material called d3o. During normal riding, it moves just like normal fabric, but upon impact its molecules lock together, forming a resistant layer between the ground and your surprisingly fragile skeleton. When the crash is over, the molecules ease up, allowing you to move freely—and hopefully grab your bike before anyone notices that you kissed the ground. Thanks to its creepy-sounding Stretch Hydrophilic Cool Touch Jersey, it’s as good at preventing pit stains as it is broken arms.
Available at bayridgebike.com
Garmin Edge 705, $500
Most bike computers track your speed and distance by counting how many times your wheel turns, but Garmin’s cycling-specific devices use a precise GPS system to track your routes. You’ll know you’re doing more than just spinning your wheels because the glare-resistant screen displays a map of your current location, plus stats like pedal cadence, altitude and heart rate. When you dismount your steed, you can upload your information to your computer and brag about it to other spandex-clad buddies via the Garmin Connect social network.
Available at J&R, 23 Park Row at Beekman St (212-238-9000, jr.com)
Princeton Tec Switchback Light,$200–$390
The saying on the road is “If they see you, they won’t hit you.” But we can’t guarantee that if you’re seen sporting a reflective neon crossing-guard vest, you won’t wish for a sudden death. A good light will do a much better job of making you visible to cars, and with a lower dork factor. The Switchback is available with up to three extremely bright LED bulbs, and it can be mounted on your handlebars or even on your helmet—in case you feel like doing some spelunking. When you run out of juice, plug in the lithium ion battery pack for two hours and it will be back to full power. But your battered calf muscles may take longer to recharge.
Available at Eastern Mountain Sports, 591 Broadway between W Houston and Prince Sts (212-966-8730)
Camelbak Podium Bottle, $8
Most water bottles get that funky plastic taste after just one long, hot ride, but Camelbak’s Podium is coated with HydroGuard to prevent the skunkifying bacteria from accumulating. The self-sealing valve is made from medical-grade silicon and lets you sip from any direction, because what cyclist doesn’t long for a 360-degree sipping radius? It comes in six different colors and is completely free of bisphenol A (BPA), a compound found in other plastic bottles that is suspected of causing certain forms of cancer.
Available at rei.com
Blackburn TrakStand Ultra Trainer, $300
Shelling out lots of dough for a high-performance bike doesn’t make much sense if it’s doomed to languish in your storage unit all winter. Instead, slap your ride onto the TrakStand’s Centriforce resistance unit, pop in a DVD (‘80s rock videos usually do the trick) and pedal to the metal. The centrifugal clutch provides some of the smoothest and quietest resistance around. Plus, the sturdy aluminum frame will prevent you from breaking loose and plowing through the wall like in a scene from Three’s Company.
Available at cbsportsstore.com