What’s the frequency?

MONTHLY

Photograph: Neil Beckerman

TOO PICKY
Gay male, 20, single
“I have sex monthly—it would probably be more frequent if I were old enough to get into a bar or somewhere else to meet guys. I have a lot of queer friends from other places, mostly from knitting groups or my job. But I almost never meet queer guys I’d like to date or have sex with that way. Which is fine, for the most part. I’d say that it doesn’t have to be that way, but usually people have to make a special effort to do something that’s all-ages, because going to have drinks is such a natural thing to do for people who are 21-plus.”

NOT CHALLENGED
Straight female, 27, single
“There are a couple of guys that I have sex with repeatedly, one in particular that is more of a friend than a sex partner. I’ve met the one-nighters through friends, bars, work events and online. There have been times when I have had two different men (one early evening and then a different guy later) in one night, and then there have been months where I won’t have sex with anyone. Right now in particular, I am pulling myself away. Need a break, I think. All a girl has to do is show up at a bar, make contact with some guy she’s attracted to and say with her eyes and smile, ‘Hi, I’d like to have sex,’ and it’s a done deal. I think I’ve gotten better at that over time, too, which is making the game too easy and too boring.”

HUSBAND DOESN’T WANT IT
Straight female, 28, married
“When my husband and I were first dating, we fucked constantly. After a few years, it was still regular, though not the nightly romp we had when we were first dating. Two years ago, I was pretty miserable. Every time we had sex, there was a hang-up. In hindsight, I think I was depressed, I was unhappy at work and had no creative outlet. Now I’m in a theater M.F.A. program and I’m creatively and academically happy. Not surprisingly, I want sex more. But my husband—well, his libido just isn’t there. I think to myself, My husband doesn’t think I’m attractive enough to want to have sex with me. It doesn’t help that I gained a lot of weight after our wedding, and feel unhealthy and unattractive to begin with.”

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