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Photography: Dan Hallman. Grooming: Legend Rivera Jr at Vivian Artists

Q I’m a happily married woman with two boys, ages three and five. My sister recently got a dog and my kids are in love with him. Here’s the problem: My five-year-old is at that stage where he’s obsessed with private parts, and every time the dog licks his own crotch or butt, or buries his snout in my husband’s crotch, my son has 1,000 questions about it. “Why is he licking his own pee-pee? Why is he trying to lick Daddy’s pee-pee? How come I can’t smell my own butt?” And on and on and on. I’m probably making too much of this, but every time he asks something I freeze up, because I don’t want to give him false information, but I also really don’t want to be discussing this with him at this age. What should I do?

A It’s a tricky situation, because although the dog’s behavior is not sexual, from a human vantage point it certainly can look that way. I would just stick to the facts: A dog licks himself to keep himself clean. He sniffs other dogs and humans in their private places because that’s how dogs greet (and try to get a read on) strangers. Your son is bound to have a million follow-up questions on this stuff, so I would just try to nip them all in the bud by pointing out all the ways that dogs are different from human beings: tail, wet noses, fur all over, etc. That way, your son will get the message that dogs aren’t exactly the best role models for humans. I wouldn’t stress out over it, though. Your son’s inquisitiveness is normal, and the chance that he’d actually be able to perform autofellatio is very slim.

Q I like dry sex with my husband, but it only happens a few times per month. I assume hormones are at work, but is there anything I can do to sustain this? Dehydration? I just feel so much more when everything is dry and not ruined by wetness.

A Ruined by wetness? Um, vaginal wetness is a key part of the sexual process, and it also protects your vagina from incurring injuries from all that penile thrusting. Although I had heard of “dry sex” as a growing phenomenon in sub-Saharan Africa (where some women do everything from sticking dry leaves in their coochies to manually drying them out with a cloth), I had no idea the practice was happening right here in NYC. I really don’t want to encourage “dry sex,” because it is really a painful way to have sex for women, so I’m not going to say anymore except that if you’re really into it, talk to your doctor about how you can safely cut down on vaginal wetness. I can assure you, dehydrating your body will not be one of her suggestions.

Q I got you through Google search. I would be glad hearing your comments and advice on this. I’m a 24-year-old male and have been doing masturbation for four years, once in a fortnight or so. I try to control it but after all it just happens. Please tell me, how can I control doing this? Will it affect my sexual and fertility power? Does it have any bad effects for a grown-up? Await desperately.

A Although I usually don’t have private correspondences with readers, I did e-mail this guy back because (a) who knows if he’d ever see my response either online or in the magazine, and (b) I don’t know what country he’s from, but it sounds like a superreligious one, and it breaks my heart that he thinks he’s sinning just by indulging in a natural behavior. Of course, I told him to jack his ass off (once in a fortnight? that’s ridiculous), and to attempt to hit God with his ejaculate.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.

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