Ten New Yorkers we most want to have sex with

Cat Power, musician
If we could live the plot of Weird Science, we’d create this hot, brooding artist, complete with sultry voice and inner demons (no offense to Kelly LeBrock).

Zach Galifianakis, comedian
Don’t you just want to squeeze him until he’s blue in his bearded face? That’s not an autoerotic-asphyxiation joke.

Lady Gaga, pop star
Extra appendage or no, we imagine this would be one crazy roll in the hay.

Mark Sanchez, athlete
If the new Jets quarterback leads his team back to glory, he’ll be scoring more chicks than Joe Namath ever did.

Chris Bear, musician
Predictably, this member of Brooklyn four-piece Grizzly Bear is a hit with the Williamsburg ladies. He can maul us any time.

Scarlett Johansson, actor
If a hotter blond exists, we’ve yet to see her. And hey—she’s probably pretty lonely, what with Ryan Reynolds at the gym all the time.

Ann Coulter, right-wing banshee
Oh, sorry. We though this was a list of ten New Yorkers we most want to hate-fuck.

Jon Stewart, fake-news pundit
Every liberal man and woman in America should stop what they’re doing right now and go proposition this man. He’s a national treasure and should be treated as such—carnally.

Rivka Galchen, author
In her book, Atmospheric Disturbances, a man is absolutely convinced that a doppelgänger has replaced his wife. Could make for some interesting role-playing.

Anderson Cooper, CNN boy genius
This silver fox has bipartisan, bisexual appeal. He has a face you can trust. Or lick.

New Yorker we least want to have sex with: Madonna, pop star
Who wants A-Rod’s sloppy seconds? Not us.

Non–New Yorker we most want to have sex with: Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, pilot
A guy that cool under pressure has to be pretty good in the sack, right? He knows how to take the plane in for a smooth landing, if you know what we mean.

Fictional New Yorker we most want to have sex with: Silk Spectre II, one of the Watchmen
She fights crime and is involved with an emotionally distant, bright-blue superbeing more concerned with thermodynamics than her womanly needs. Should be pretty simple to score her on the rebound.

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Sex Issue 2009
The ultimate New York City sex guide