Has NYC lost its mojo?

Has NYC lost its mojo?

61% of our survey takers say no. You just have to know where to look. Like, up, à la one participant: “The Standard Hotel isn’t my idea of the ideal place where spontaneous, graphic public sex should occur, but at least it’s something.”

37% say yes. Some respondents still bemoaned the Disneyfication of NYC, which is now but “a flaccid version of its former workaday self.” Among the causes of the deflation: the dismal economy (“Rich men are scarce since the market crashed”), AIDS, swing-club sweeps, Craigslist stings and the calculated shuttering of Dungeon Alley. Seethed one porn guru: “I used to get away with giving shots of vodka out of my foreskin for $10 on the bar top. Try that now and Bloomberg himself would probably arrest you.”

Seven places that are more sexually liberated than NYC

• Berlin (“I’ve seen fisting performed in bars with startling regularity.”)
• Seattle
• San Francisco
• Chicago (“great BDSM clubs”)
• Portland, Oregon
• Paris (“French men go for the gold on the first date—gold meaning anal.”)
• South Florida (Grandma? Really?)

Top five parties for hooking up

• The female/trans Submit sex party (submitparty.com)
• Lesbian Sex Mafia (lesbiansexmafia.org)
• Switch! (myspace.com/switchparty)
• Pleasure Salon (pleasuresalon.wordpress.com)
• School of Sex (schoolofsex.net)

Wildest things our panelists have ever done for work

No two experiences were alike. Reports included toe sucking; a four-couple orgy; going undercover as a nude maid; organizing a gang bang (“All these women lined up and gang-banged a boy; it was very hot”); being caned on camera; shooting black lube out of their ass; fingering a blow-up doll; taking a ten-day sex cruise off the Great Barrier Reef that included a toga-clad anal massage for a 50-year-old birthday boy; photographing a husband tying up his iron-corseted wife and putting epidural needles through her breasts; being branded 13 times by a scalpel-wielding clown; and agreeing to talk to the media about being a sex worker.

The freakiest fetish or most outrageous sexual request they’ve ever received

Top indulged desires included ass licking, ball-gagging, smearing peanut butter and jelly all over themselves, shooting construction-strength staples into their thighs, peeing on a Brown University professor, and being part of a two-person drum in “a 30-piece S&M dyke orchestra.” So which requests didn’t get the green light? Brown showers and “shitting photos,” and an amputee fetishist who requested a small donation for his collection.

Top-ranking toys

The Hitachi Magic Wand 12%
The Njoy Pure Wand 6%
Other 82% (the Sybian, glass dildos, vibrating cock rings, butt plugs, and Eros Body Glide and Sliquid lubes)

The one sexual act respondents were embarrassed they’d never tried

Three still hadn’t participated in a MMF threesome; two had never patronized a strip club; and two (both gay males) had never had sex with women. Others blushed because they’d never role-played, had sex with an uncut dick or been “fucked by a trannie.”

Best local sex shop

• Park Slope’s now-closed Pink Pussycat 4%
• Babeland 71% (“It’s how sex shops should be: clean and modern with a super helpful, really hot staff.”)
• Purple Passion/DV8 8%
• The Pleasure Chest 6%
• Fantasy World 2%
• Duane Reade 2%
• Bed, Bath and Beyond 2% (“After all the weird shit I’ve done, I’m just really into fucking on a comfortable bed.”)

Nine sexiest places or things in NYC

TIED FOR FIRST:
The Chrysler Building and Empire State Building
3 The Brooklyn Bridge
4 The High Line
5 Christopher Street Pier
6 The Slipper Room
7 Riis Beach (“gaylicious!”)
8 “The Circle Line boat during a thunderstorm”
9 The corner of Waverly and Waverly (“I’m attracted to oddities.”)

The sexiest borough

• 65% Manhattan “The dirty-sexy money vibe makes me tingle.”
• 32% Brooklyn “It’s the only place hookers can afford to live comfortably but still be 20 minutes from a Manhattan in-call.”
• 1% Queens “It’s Spider-Man’s birthplace!”
• 0% Staten Island
• 0% The Bronx

Sexiest person in NYC

Justin Bond 8%
Lady Liberty 4% (“WTF is under that robe?!?”)
Ignacio Rivera 4%
Russian call girls 2%
James Franco 2% (“Sharing one 2 train ride with him for five minutes provided months of masturbation material.”)

Best bars/antibars for booty

Max Fish (“There was a time when I would walk in and out with a dick in five minutes tops.”)
Eastern Bloc (“An embarrassment of riches”)
AA meetings (“Since everyone is sober, the sex is hot!”)

On a scale of 1 to 10, how sexually liberated is NYC?

6.6

Cons
• No red-light district
• An insanely meddlesome city government
• Laws that only pretend to protect sex workers

Pros
• We’ve got an official NYC condom.
• We’re pretty cool when it comes to queer issues.
• We marry late in life.

Our pervs’ arrest records

Most respondents skipped this question; a few bragged that they’d never been caught; one was arrested for possessing weed, another for protesting; and one said, “No, but I did fuck some NYPD cops. They were great in bed.”

The biggest hurdles New Yorkers face when it comes to sex

• Lack of time (“New Yorkers are all about money, and this year it’s all about saving their jobs, so working 14 hours a day has become the norm. When you work all day, who’s got time to think of having erotic fun?”)
• Geography (“How on earth are you gonna travel 90 minutes by subway from Inwood to Brooklyn for a hot trick?”)
• The draconian New York Sanitary Code
• Our total self-absorption
• Our insanely limiting pickiness (“In most cities, simply being gay is enough of a reason for people to gather, but here you have to be a submissive in search of a redheaded top who likes to have his nuts filled with saline and dress like a sado-Smurf.”)

Their number of sexual partners

Excluding the dozen or so respondents who’d said they lost count and/or refused to count, the numbers ranged from four to “1,500 or more.”

Six greatest dirty movies

• Philip Mond’s Zazel: The Scent of Love
• Maria Beatty’s The Black Glove
• Bang Bros.’ Monsters of Cock
• Gerard Damiano’s The Devil in Miss Jones
• Ebo Hill’s Bonking Berlin Bastards
• Candida Royalle’s Stud Hunters

Sexually transmitted infections

The vast majority of survey takers said they’d never acquired anything or skipped this question, but we did get two yeses for HPV, and one each for crabs, genital warts, herpes, gonorrhea and “boyfriends.”

Famous clients

Most survey takers wouldn’t reveal anything juicy. (Damn them!) Still, one fetish retailer counted Janet Jackson, Fergie, Naomi Campbell, Giselle and Lil’ Kim among their clients; erotic photogs listed Justine Joli, Joanna Angel and Masuimi Max as subjects; and one swing-club operator has hosted parties that have drawn “at least six very recognizable TV stars, three midrange movie stars and four well-known comedians.”

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Sex Issue 2009
The ultimate New York City sex guide