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Q I am a 55-year-old bisexual male who has been in a long-term relationship with a woman for several years. My first big gay crush was on a good-looking guy in high school. It never went anywhere, but we have remained close friends. Over the last several months we have been working on a fund-raising project together, and it had been going well—until last week. I got a call from my friend’s wife, who wanted to know if I had “designs” on her husband. My answer was “No, I do not.” She then told me that she had to break up a “similar relationship” between her husband and a guy because they were “moving into the preaffair stage.” Should I mention this to my friend? I am happy with the friendship (the longest in my life) and I do not want to screw it up; however, am I being unethical and stupid by keeping my mouth shut?

A Here’s what I think: Your friend’s wife is either a full-on loon who’s freaked out by your bisexuality, or she’s just being hypervigilant after discovering that her husband had been getting a little gay something-something on the side. Either way, you need to steer clear of this one. You’re not being unethical by keeping your mouth shut, you’re simply letting a couple work out their issues in private. Given the information the wife gave you, however, I would make sure you don’t put yourself in a situation—like sharing a hotel room on a business trip—that might offer your friend the incentive to get in your pants. Old crushes die hard, and all it would take is a couple of drinks to lose your inhibitions—then all hell will break loose, and a lifelong friendship could be lost. So keep the mouth and fly closed and just pretend that phone call from the wife never happened.

Q I’m deep into a long-term relationship (married 11 years), and my guy wears a condom every time we have sex. He’s done this since almost the beginning, when I found out he had herpes. (Oh, and for the person who wrote in recently about this, yeah, he didn’t tell me at first either, and it wasn’t a deal breaker, thank God!) Anyway, the condom-wearing has been a nonissue in our relationship. But recently I’ve noticed that he seems to really like it. He waits for me to put it on, grinning, and gets even harder once it’s there. I’ve always assumed that all guys would rather go without. Even the government is now spending half a million dollars to find out why guys hate condoms! But here’s the thing: My last two monogamous boyfriends also wore condoms whenever we got it on. So my question is, is this normal? Three guys in committed relationships wearing condoms without a peep or complaint (and the third one loving it)? Could our sex culture have this one all wrong? I’m curious what you think about it.

A I think our government sure knows how to waste money. I don’t need to spend half a million dollars to know why guys don’t like wearing condoms—it’s the decrease in pleasure, stupid. As for your ongoing research, I think your husband must be so psyched that you didn’t dump his ass when you found out he had herpes that the sight of you putting a condom on his dick probably sends him into paroxysms of pleasure. It also sounds like a ritual thing at this point, and sexual rituals are hot. I don’t know what was up with the other two dudes, but I do know that having sex (even with a condom) is better than not having sex, so maybe they just didn’t want to rock the boat. And although sex without a condom is better (let’s not kid ourselves), those little latex jobbers have contributed a lot more to sex than they’ve ever taken away, so we should give credit where it’s due.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com.

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