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Matchmaker, matchmaker
Photograph: Michael KirbyManertia: the state in which one’s dating life is no longer new or exciting and continues in its existing state of extreme banality, unless that state is changed by an external force.
In this case, my external force has a name; three names, actually: Amy, Janis and Lisa—all professional matchmakers. While the idea originally seemed prohibitively expensive, most matchmakers don’t charge ladies a penny. And after sampling three, I discovered that the men who use these services are incredibly eligible bachelors. They all have time to date, but they don’t have time to date the wrong people.
Matchmaker 1: Amy Laurent
($10,000 per year for men, free for women; amylaurent.com)Just two minutes into our meeting, Amy tells me she has someone in mind for me: a 34-year-old Ben Affleck look-alike, Ivy League–educated banker. Blerg. I explain that I’ve stereotyped bankers as boring fucks, but Amy tells me to trust her intuition. I do and she sets me up.
First, there’s Cameron (the aforementioned banker, who, true to Amy’s word, could easily double as Mr. Jennifer Garner), then Kirby, a charming 41-year-old Upper West Side doctor-turned-hedge-funder-turned-philanthropist. Both ask me on second dates midway through the first, and third dates midway through the second. They are gentlemen, scholars and “relationship-minded” (been there, played that, ready for the next phase). I’m thrilled.
She even tries to set me up with a third fellow, who (due to my travel schedule) makes a date with me two weeks in advance, but texts me the day before: “Julia, hey, this is [redacted]. I hope you had a good trip to Vegas! I’m sorry to get back to you on such short notice, but I am not going to be able to meet tomorrow. Basically, I went out on a date with someone late last week, and saw her again this week. We kinda hit it off, so I think I am going to focus on this. I hope you understand. I hope it’s okay that I texted rather than called. Hope all is well.” I’m impressed. I’ve had actual boyfriends who haven’t been that conscientious.
At the end of my dates, I ask Amy if the guys had any feedback. “There was the impression that you didn’t have time for dating,” she explains via e-mail. Interesting. I thought that my insane schedule made me more desirable.
Matchmaker 2: Janis Spindel
($25,000 starting fee for men in the tristate area, women who want to be eligible need to be approved; janisspindelmatchmaker.com)Janis Spindel is the undisputed grande dame of New York yentas, with an astronomical, almost unbelievable, success rate—more than 800 marriages! Sounds promising.
My hope fizzles when my date rolls up (in a town car that he had hired for the occasion). Out steps a fellow at least 20 years my senior, with what might charitably be described as “not quite a full head of hair.” He presents me with two CDs (Kings of Leon and some other group) still in their Virgin Megastore bag, and announces that we’d be going to Bagatelle. Bagatelle? On a first date?!? On any date?!? The place is basically a bumping discotheque, with all the charm of Marquee. Why not just go to Cipriani’s for models and bottles?
Fleeing to the ladies’ room, I hysterically Twitter “Oh my GOD. I’M TRAPPED IN THE BATHROOM AT BAGATELLE. SAVE ME FROM THIS DATE!”
When I emerge, my date stood there smiling with two glasses of red and an admission that Bagatelle was indeed an awful choice, so would I mind if we moved to Aquagrill? I don’t mind at all. Aquagrill is arguably one of the best restaurants in the city for first dates. The atmosphere and meal are pitch-perfect, and he turns out to be energetic, funny, intelligent and interesting—and one of the least skeezy men I’ve met in New York. I had judged him on his age and his appearance, and I was ashamed of myself.
It isn’t a romantic match, but we have a solid basis for a friendship. Because I’m giving guys a chance that I normally wouldn’t consider, I find that even “bad dates” through a matchmaker are pleasant experiences.
Matchmaker 3: Lisa Ronis
(Starting package costs $15,000 for men and women; lisaronismatchmaking.com)A nine-year matchmaking veteran, Lisa says she’s not just a pimp, she’s a coach, too.
Within 48 hours, she e-mails me a list of six boys:
1- Matt, a travel guy who lives on Charles Street. He’s smart, edgy and successful.
2- James, 42, is an adorable doctor, smart and quite the catch!
3- Dan is so cute, 34, tall, handsome. You can look him up on Facebook. [I do. And he is.] He will be back on Monday and will call you.
4- Steve is tall, dark and handsome, 40, in banking. He is also away until Monday, but he is dying to meet you.
5- My publishing client will call you soon. He’s 40, tall, dark and handsome.
6- I am trying to meet an L.A. boy for you, but that will probably happen after next week.
I am psyched, and each one calls (no texts?!?) to schedule a date. All are great in their own way, but the most memorable is Dr. James, who wins major points by suggesting a first-date itinerary that includes a live piano concert, then an Italian salmon-and-pasta dinner, followed by salsa dancing. He has one of the most fantastic attitudes of any guy I’ve met in New York. “I’m from the Midwest,” he tells me, which explains it.
The evening turns into a grinfest. I ask Lisa for his impressions. “He thought that you two had the exact same energy and good chemistry,” she e-mails. “But,” she cautions, “he wasn’t sure if you were serious about finding love.” Oh no! I’ve heard this before. I immediately text him and reassure him that once I’m back from Vegas, D.C., Munich, and Davos, Switzerland, I’d love to see him again. He texts back, “I wanna go salsa dancing in Puerto Rico with you! xo and am sending you a smile. Safe trip and text me when u land!”
Okay, so he didn’t read my “Bad textiquette” column the other week. But my manertia? Officially gone. Nine men, 15 dates and approximately 57 text messages later, my conclusion is unambiguous: Matchmakers are the best thing to happen to my dating life since I hit puberty.
More services to try
Samantha’s Table
(212-717-6033, samanthastable.com)
$425 for a consultation, introduction packages start at $20,000.Meaningful Connections
(212-877-5151, meaningfulconnections.com)$1,000 for an introductory membership, annual memberships up to $5,000. Mention TONY and get 10 percent off.Christie Nightingale Premier Match
(212-448-1141, premiermatchmaking.com) Rates start at $6,500 for one year,
half-year rates are negotiable.Club Elite
(212-242-4755, nyclubelite.com)
Specialized for gay men,rates start at $5,000.VIP Life
(866-VIP-LIFE, clubviplife.com)
Free for women, rates start at $5,000 for men.
Time Out New York / Issue 697 : Feb 5–11, 2009
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I've read a lot of the negaitve comments on here that sound like they are trashing the author than acutally critiquing the content. I thought this article gave just enough information for those who are interested in enlisting the help of a matchmaker. Joining classes and volunteer work are definitely good old fashioned ways of meeting people- and so is matchmaking. Thanks Julia! http://www.herdeepthoughts.blogspot.com/
"I agree with Felicia - this sounds like an escort service without sex. " Yes, except for the "without sex" part.
Poor Dr. James. Julia: "I immediately text him and reassure him that I’d love to see him again." Then, check out her twitter dissing the guy (during the date, of course) but over and over again since he's been back in contact. "Why is he sending me facebook messages? Omg, he's added me to his litserv." Classic CT. Wants the attention but when she gets it, "ew".
Julia, with all due respect, I read your full length article and it was nothing to "come back for." It was no more interesting than this shortened article and gave me, the reader, no more useful information as this one. You cannot make the story all about yourself - any writer worth her salt knows that. Also, you are just not that interesting. I am not really sure why Time Out continues to employ you... your articles are about as tasty and unsatisfying as a stale cupcake.
Hania, actually, that photoshoot was done about a week ago. Yes, it's the same dress as last year. Yes, I still own it. Recession chic, baby. For all of the commenters who felt this piece "just skimmed the surface" I encourage you to come back when the full length article is published here. I'm sure you'll find it more in depth. We just don't have that kind of space in the actual magazine.
I haven't laugh so hard alone in my bed since... puberty. :-)
I feel sorry for men sometimes, I really do. The men who can afford these services are financially successful; they probably got that way from using their time in the most efficient and productive way possible. That just doesn't work for finding a wife. You will have to invest your time, not your money. Matchmaking services attract many women who are quite eager to date you for the free meals and entertainment. A business-like approach will lead to a business-like relationship.
There was no photoshoot. The matchmakers posed with a stand in. It's quite obvious. With all respect for Ms. Allison, that's a dress from last year. Her body has...changed...since when this photo was taken.
Not sure why this "article" needed its own photoshoot, other than to show that the author is attractive. This isn't really a story at all; it's pure fluff. You could have just as easily included three bullet points with the name, website and rates for each sevice -- that's basically the depth of the insight I was able to glean from this "article" and then the writing wouldn't make me cringe...
So, she is turned off due to one of her dates being with someone 20 years older, but Dan Loeb, [owner of plane she flew home from Davos] is also 20 years her senior. Many believe the tweet about her secret crush [which she took down] was with Loeb. I agree with the comment about her constant use of the F word--it is not so much living differently--just classless.
There are clever ways to use profanity, but Jullia Allison does not know how. Time Out editors, why would you leave that language in? It adds nothing to the piece, which is completely lacking of substance anyway. This story told me nothing. If you're cutting salaries and writers, you might want to think of cutting Julia's column completely. It's the weak spot in your publication.
This piece is sorrowfully lame and just skims along the surface. I don't understand the point. To discover how desirable Julia is? Or to open a window into the world of matchmakers and who might benefit from using them? Also, why does she feel the need to curse when describing the banker? It's crass and offensive. Shame on Time Out for publishing substandard pieces like this.
Oh, I see. The editors screwed it up. From JA's blog. From: Mom Date: February 5, 2009 1:43:43 PM EST To: “‘Julia Allison’” <julia@nonsociety.com> Subject: RE: Matchmakers Column I like this column… it needs a good edit job…but the job TONY did was ghastly! Looks like they just took a hatchet and carved up the copy without looking. As you would say, BLERG. Here’s what is going on: Painters are painting EVERY room in the house, colors are changing and changing again, plans for new lighting, window t
I don't buy it that men use a matchmaking service because they "don't have time to date" or "don't have time to date the wrong people." I agree with grace - it speaks volumes about these men that they are willing to pay $10,000 to meet women. Who are these women that pay nothing to use the service? How are they screened? Perhaps the matchmakers themselves can shed some light on it, but these businesses sound like nothing more than an expensive dating service for gold diggers and sleazebags.
One more thing. What was the point of this "article?" To learn about matchmakers or for Julia Allison to use another public medium to talk about herself? No wonder Time Out is being sold. Why would anybody pay money to read substanceless pieces like this?
If these men are so together, so wealthy and so charming, then the fact they have to pay 10K or more to find a girlfriend should speak volumes about their personality and character. Why would a matchmaker set Julia up with a man 20 years her senior? I'll answer that for you. The guy is a trophy wife hunter looking for arm candy, which I assume is what keeps these "matchmakers" in business. Call this what it is - Gold Diggers looking for Sugar Daddies and using an Escort Service to do it.
Doesn't Julia already have a blog that's all about her? Shouldn't her mandate when writing for TONY encompass a bit more breadth? This article would have at least been interesting if she had asked the gentlemen for their POV on matchmaker dating, if she had given us a bit of color on the matchmakers themselves. But no, true to form, Julia keeps the focus on Julia. Enough already. This isn't remotely related to journalism, it's just Julia, as usual, gazing adorably in her magnifying mirror.
This article was not interesting at all. Basically Julia tells us what services she used and gives us a two sentence wrap up of her dates that told us nothing. BORING. I'd be much more interested to know the motivations behind men paying thousands of dollars to go out on dates with women who sign up to be in the matchmaker's "inventory" for free. Now THERE is a story. I agree with Felicia - this sounds like an escort service without sex.
Did these men, who paid thousands of dollars, know they were being used as guinea pigs for a story? Doesn't sound like it. That, their ridiculous fees and the fact that most don't require the women to pay at all makes me liken matchmakers to Madames.
Why would a woman in her 30s refer to potential dates as "boys" ? Or use expressions like "blerg"? That could explain the problem she is having with dates taking her seriously. I'm too frugal with my own money to respect a man who'd gamble thousands of dollars to find some idealized woman. Guys, do some volunteer work, take classes, and join group activities. That's what the awesome women are doing, and we're hoping you'll join us. We might even fix you up with our cute friends!