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Julia Allison on dating
Bad textiquette
Photograph: Devon Steigerwald“Sexxx tonight? yes ot no?” That’s an actual text received by Alexa, 28. Unsurprisingly, she went with the latter option.
Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but the art of woo-texting requires finesse. No matter the medium, typos, jargon and lingo are major turnoffs. Trying to get me to come over? Don’t spell cool with a k, k?
Sound harsh? Whatever. This is Manhattan, people. The land of the OBO (“or better offer”). The city of BBD (“bigger, better, deals”). Bottom line: Get your texting game straight. (Not str8.)
Text whatever you want to your friends, but if you’re trying to get someone to fuck you, you’d better mind your ps, qs and errant thumbs.
Don’t:
1 Use abbreviations or creative spelling or invent your own grammar
Avoid b, gr8, 2, u and thx. It’s only a few additional letters to spell out the word—think your thumbs will make it? And whatever you do, do not ever use cum instead of come. Have some decency!Amanda, 23, got this winning text from the guy she was dating. “Yo turkeybutt. how was grub? ate lot myself. want 2 cum over after i drop brats at xwifes?”
Needless to say they’re no longer together.
2 Make unfortunate typos
You’re trying to get in her pants. The least you can do is scan 160 characters for a typo.Sarah, 26, says, “I met a really cute Italian guy in a bar once. One night when trying to make plans, I got the most amazing booty text ever: ‘I leave gold street, at maiden.’ You have to say it out loud to understand what he really meant. It is infamous with my friends.”
3 Send horrific booty texts
Please don’t be repulsive.Madeline, 20, received a late-night message that read simply, “Come over, but only if I can bang you from behind.” “I did not go over to his house to get so lovingly ‘banged from behind,’?” Madeline says, predictably.
4 Send multiple stalkerlike texts
Texting someone twice without getting any response is dicey. Texting thrice? You’ve lost control.Anna, 29, got this series of texts (all sent in one night!) from a girl who obviously had it bad: “I want u.” “I’m crushing.” “Hey sexy gorgeous.” “Dinner this weekend.” “R u up?”
5 “Trunk dext” your exes
Meghan, 24, got this winner from her ex: “I’m not even hammered!!!! Answer me!!!” “Oh lucky me, you aren’t even hammered,” she says. The same ex did manage to get even “hammer’ered” and texted her, “I’m drnk and find I still want to love you. Come hombre. XoXo.”6 Break up via text
I mean, really? Do we really have to say this? I wouldn’t, except people keep doing it.Lauren, 34, says, “My best friend was broken up with in a text after dating a guy for a couple of months, and all it said was: “im breakin up wit chu.” That’s it. I wish I were kidding. She was upset, but not as upset as she was that she actually dated someone who talked like that.”
8 Be infantile
Even gross, babyish couplespeak is better than this. Maria writes, “I used to date a guy who kept referring to his medical school as ‘med skoo’ in every text. I got tired of it and told him to go to grammar 'skoo.'"Alexis got this charming text: “You know what I like about u?” When she asked what her paramour liked, he responded “Your cleevage.”
9 Jump the gun
You don’t need to play hard to get, but there is such a thing as being too into someone.“Right when I moved to New York, my friend texted me to say she had given my number to a friend of hers who lives in the city,” says Cary. “‘He’s hot, successful and awesome,’ she promised. Not five minutes later, I got the following text: ‘Girl u be lookin good in ur Facebook photos.’ But we weren’t even friends on Facebook yet! He moved pretty quickly for knowing my name/number for all of a few hundred seconds. Needless to say, our paths have not yet crossed—and likely never will.”
10 Text with nothing to say
Just as a “what’s up?” text to your friends is sure to get a “nuttin” response, randomly getting in touch with someone without a purpose sets you up for radio silence.Rochelle got the following from an ex she dated years prior, who “likes to randomly Facebook, text and instant message me even though we haven’t spoken in over four years.” The most recent one? “What is up with u n all? how have u ben doin? nythin relly new wit you? bet u cant w8t 4 the summer am i rite lol!!” (Crickets.)
Just assume
C’mon, you have to at least ask first.“This is my all-time favorite text from an ex-boyfriend,” says Katie. “Received at 2:30am, waking me from a dead sleep: ‘hittin tht 2nite.’ Succinct, but still disturbing. And no, he did not hit that.”
11 Send this text, ever
There is such a thing as coming on too strong.“Hi jodi i am sory to call u so much. But i call u bcoz i didn’t stop to think in u since last day. I think I love u, i am crazy about u. I have LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. I WOULD LIKE TO GO OUT WITH U.”
Do:
1 Wait a little in between texts...
...but not more than 10 to 20 minutes if you’re a guy. Ladies, you have a full three-to-four-hour delay to luxuriate in, unless you’re making plans, in which case purposeful breathers are just rude.2 Call if you’ve gone back and forth more than six times in an hour attempting to make plans
It’s just annoying. And guys: Always call before the first date.3 Flirt via text (duh), but avoid emotional conversations
No fights. If you start to have a misunderstanding, maybe try that voice thing that your phone also does.Or you could just send this text, like Christine, 24, drunkenly did when she saw the guy she was dating leave the bar with another woman: “I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.”
4 Pique his curiosity
“I opened up a new cell phone line for a business and began to receive totally random phone calls and texts from all over the country,” says David. “They range from simple texts inquiring if I want to play basketball or a ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ text from the Rottenberry family in Alabama. Most of the time, I pass them off with a quick laugh or not even a glance. But a couple of weeks ago, I received the glory of them all: ‘Hey, make sure you get the condoms. I got the cake, see you soon.’ Being single and curious, I called this number back.”See more Julia Allison
Time Out New York / Issue 694 : Jan 15–21, 2009
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So, um, Maureen... you didn't get that the snarky commentary all came from the author of the piece, not from the women who got the texts? Cause that seemed kinda obvious to *me*...
These do's and dont's are for 550 years old people and over. Watch your kids and learn. :-) More : whatever the text, she or he will like it if she/he liked him/her. Every script from a non interesting person is of no interest. Watched from Europe it seems that the New World tactics become older and older. (sigh).
umm... gold street intersects with maiden lane down in the financial district.... the guy was probably just tellin the girl where he was at.
I live Gold St at Maiden
This goes to show that women are from V and men from M (though I never read that subliterary book). But, I must say, as a guy "Leave Gold Street, at Maiden" is not only perfectly understandable if you are at all familiar with the Fineass district, but it is also elegantly informative. A gentleman gives news of his whereabouts, his coming is imminent....Anyone with half a brain should be able to deduce their friend's eta depending on where they are. It is also true, though, dumb dudes connect
No Coincidence & Christine: I can see why you two are Julia Allison Baugher apologists as your writing style is very VERY similar to hers. Understand though, there is legitimate reason to question the veracity of Ms. Baugher's sources. (Alleged insiders) say she manufactures content and creates fake drama on her blog (and in her life) in order to generate attention. You don't need to know Julia Baugher personally to have an opinion about the MASSIVE amount of material she self-disseminates.
Also, if you guys hate Julia so much, why do you waste your time reading her articles and posting about how much you disdain her? Doesn't that seem a little counterintuitive and like a huge waste of your time? Chances are, you're not going to change anyone's opinion of her. You should just save your breath (and time) for the bloggers you actually like and respect. This isn't high school; there's no need to tear people down to gain popularity, especially someone you've never met.
Much like Madeline, I saw this posted on Non-Society last night and immediately clicked the link to see if my texting story made it into this article (it did) , hence my quick response. I've dated a lot of really great, well educated guys. Unfortunately, you cannot gauge their true "textiqutte" until they're 6 Jack and Cokes deep and texting you from across town to come over, dropping vowels and using emoticons. I've been just as guilty of this, though I at least try to use proper punctuation.
I read Julia's blog regularly, hence why I responded quickly. Don't be so quick to judge, there is always a back story to texts like these. For example, I was dating the above guy for a little while. Then we got in a huge fight and his text was basically just to make me feel like a whore. He didn't actually expect me to come over as a result of that booty call text; he just wanted to make me feel bad. It didn't work and now I laugh about it. It is not a reflection on my personal worth.
A cautionary tale on using discernment when handing out your cell digits! Also, a warning to avoid mistakenly believing your private texts will remain private! Want to be outed on Julia Allison Baugher's vanity blog? I strongly suggest no you don't. (And extra! She'll reblog your ass for years afterwards, too, stalker-like.) Confide in the principled Ms. Baugher via text? I'd highly recommend don't! Just ask one of her favorite "bunnies" Rachel Sklar how that turned out! Textiquette indeed!
I get it. The hot Italian doesn't just speak with a thick accent, he texts with one too!! OMG ROTFLMAO! Whatever. These quotes and stories are preposterous and have to be made up. Where are you ladies meeting these men and what does it say about you that they would text you things like I want to bang you from behind???
Um, Time Out? You might want to check Julia's sources. She's been known to troll for story ideas and content on her personal blog, which isn't such a bad thing but she has also been known to write her own fake "reader" emails. It would not surprise me if she created her own sources as well. She's also been recently called out for back dating and deleting posts on her blog, which is very bad blog etiquette. Why associate yourself with such an unethical "journalist?" It kills your credibility.
The better question is why these women gave their numbers out or dated guys like this to begin with. The story isn't flattering towards the women or the men. Makes both parties sound low class and rather dumb. I've never met a guy that I thought had it together and seemed smart and classy in person who turned into Downtown Don Juan via text.
It's no coincidence - the people that were interviewed read Julia's blog regularly. Since she posted a link to this article last night on her blog, it makes sense that her regular readers would see this article right away and respond. And although I wasn't interviewed, I have also experienced many a skeezy text from a dude. Julia asks her fans to help out with the content of her articles - she doesn't make stuff up.
Wow. 10 minutes after someone writes a comment questioning the veracity of these stories, one of the women interviewed for this story "happens" to be reading and leaves a comment? That's some coincidence.
Re: The "Leave at..." text and those of you not understanding it: Read it out load, and you'll see that he was trying to give her his adress. I actually think that one was kind of cute, especially considering English was not (definitely not...) his first language.
The texts are definitely real. I am the Madeline that received the "bang you from behind text." I think the real issue is that there are so many sleazy guys out there. We aren't dating the same one, but there sure are an endless supply of them.
The quotes are all legit. I'm the Christine of "I hope you get the herp and dife" fame and I can tell you that all of these examples were posted on Non-Society last week when Julia was researching for this story. Men + booze + cell = textual gem after gem.
I'd be interested to know how many of the people and examples in this article are actually real. Weird how all these women sound like they dated the exact same guy with the exact same propensity to use urban slang and teenage text lingo.And all the women each have the same witty closing in their quote i.e. "And no, he did not hit that.." or "Needless to say, he did not blah blah blah..." Sorry, some of these "examples" don't even fall under the category for which they are used.
I dont get the maiden one either! please help me out!!
These are hilarious. The only one I don't understand is #2: ‘I leave gold street, at maiden.’ I've been sitting here repeating it to myself for a good 5 minutes and I'm still not sure what he was asking for... anyone want to fill me in?