Holidates that don’t suck

Shot at the Russian Tea Room

Photo: Noah Kalina

Some of us might enjoy celebrating the holidays, if only we could figure out how to do it without surrendering our hard-earned, jaded personas (the ones we think telegraph NYC pride) or feeling badly about not being in love at Christmastime.

It’s a shame to hand over the city to out-of-towners and cheesy lovebirds for the entire month of December because we can’t stand all of the schmaltzy tourist traps. Instead of gliding around an ice-skating rink, nervously holding hands on a first date, why not create your own subversive holidates? These twelve are fun even if you’re single—just grab some friends.

1 Make a holiday thriller
Grab your date, your digital camera and an iPod loaded with a silly holiday playlist, then don gaudy Christmas sweaters and head over to the Prospect Park’s Kate Wollman Rink (prospectpark.org). Crank up the tunes and take turns filming one another as you lip-synch along.

2 Get loose with Mr. Claus
Belt out naughty carols with thousands of (publicly intoxicated) Santas on December 13. The exact time and location that they will be spreading their raucous, red-velvet-clad holiday cheer is kept secret until the last minute; log onto santacon.com/nyc for all of the details.

3 Get crafty
The couple that crafts together, stays together: Queens Farm Museum (73-50 Little Neck Pkwy between 34th and 37th Aves, Floral Park, Queens; 718-347-3276, queensfarm.org) offers wreath-making workshops on December 13 at 10am, noon and 2pm for just $15. Wearing your creations around your necks like Flavor Flav, hit up the adorable new second floor café at Dylan’s Candy Bar (1011 Third Ave at 60th St; 646-735-0078, dylanscandybar.com) for a mug of real Belgian hot chocolate.

4 Pretend you’re on display
Rent St. Nick suits at Abracadabra (19 W 21st St between Fifth and Sixth Aves; 212-627-5194, abracadabrasuperstore.com) or buy Slutty Mrs. Claus or Frosty the Snow Slut costumes at Ricky’s (various locations throughout the city, rickysnyc.com). Then take a stroll down Fifth Avenue and try to pantomime a better spectacle than Simon Doonan’s famous windows at Barneys. If you’re with a group of friends, have one of them take photos of the escapade—they’ll make a perfect Christmas card.

5 Bask in soft light
Low lighting is better than any zit cream, so opt for restaurants with working fireplaces, Christmas trees or, at the very least, strings of tiny lights. Snuggle up at one of the following: the 21 Club (21 W 52nd St between Fifth and Sixth Aves; 212-582-7200, 21club.com), Employees Only (510 Hudson St between Christopher and W 10th Sts; 212-242-3021, employeesonlynyc.com) or Rolf’s (281 Third Ave at 21st St, 212-473-8718).

6 Make the Julia Allison special
Okay, it’s not a date for you, but a little bit of charity for a lonely friend. You’ll need: a small tree (from any street vendor), two big boxes of condoms and some wire ornament hangers. Punch a wire hanger through the top edge of the condom wrapper (try to avoid the actual condom) and hang the condoms on the branches like ornaments. Then wrap up a few sex toys from Babeland (various locations throughout the city, babeland.com) and deliver to a friend in sexual need along with a card that reads MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!