The Julia Allison on Dating challenge: Response 5

[Ed note: Since the point of this challenge is for people to demonstrate writing ability, we have left these reponses untouched by editing. Not even a spell check.]

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By Tess Clarkson

Temporary Rational Abstinence (“TRA”) – the choice to abstain from sex for a period of time. Why would anyone choose it? Lack of skill in the market place, perhaps.

Some single women choose to abstain from sex because the chance of having a dud in the sack isn’t worth the risk of STDs and/or pregnancy. More women are realizing that it can be easier and more satisfying to abstain from sex and entertain oneself with a good toy than to have bad sex.

We women go to blow job workshops, attend lap dance classes and host toy parties all with the goal of improving our skill level in bed. But what do men do? When was the last time you heard of guys watching more than porn to improve their technique? Never I tell you! So there is no wonder why my friend, Ciara, entered into a period of TRA in June after breaking up with Tom, whose New Jersey shore house was in full swing by then, and Ciara wasn’t getting the attention she wanted. Therefore, she pulled the plug on their relationship and entered TRA.

Ciara dated new men but kept in communication with Tom. It was clear he was still available for the random hook up. So on that August day when the subways broke down and Ciara was stuck at home, she suggested a lunch date even thought it was six weeks after she’d dumped him. Nevertheless, Tom walked to her apartment for “lunch.” Ciara had her usual mind altering sex with him, and when he left, she was ready to enter a new period of TRA. (This one by coincidence also happened to last six weeks.)

Ciara chose TRA because she knew that the odds were low that she’d find another guy that could compare with Tom’s skill level, which Ciara learned early into their relationship. In fact just two hours into their first date, Tom shared his two sex rules: (1) have sex like you mean it, and (2) let him go down on you and make you orgasm. Shortly thereafter, they hit the sheets. At the end of their 16 hour date, they had exhausted themselves from four rounds of sex, and to Ciara’s delight, Tom lived up to his rules. Over the next six months, Tom opened Ciara’s world to the orgasmic joys of anal play, introduced her to sex toys, made it his ultimate goal to give her multiple orgasms (Ciara actually lost count one round at 8!) before he climaxed and ventured into group sex with Ciara. All of Ciara’s fantasies were played out over and over.

So after that experience, ordinary sex simply isn’t worth the gamble to her. Like most of us, she continues to search for Mr. Right. But Ciara, unlike most of us, can easily enter TRA; she can make do with the rare visit from Tom since she knows that with him there’s a unique guarantee - multiple orgasms on top of some other delights.