The Julia Allison on Dating challenge: Response 3

[Ed note: Since the point of this challenge is for people to demonstrate writing ability, we have left these reponses untouched by editing. Not even a spell check.]

TRA Sounds Like a Government Program
by Danny Figueroa

Temporary Rational Abstinence, or TRA as Julia Allison termed it, is nothing more than an acronym. Let’s save the convergence of capital letters for useful things like the MTA, BLT, and as we approach another election year, the always powerful PAC.

What’s overlooked most often in relationships is the simplest and most obvious factor: Men and women are different. John Gray made a fortune by simply titling his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” It didn’t take a Ph.D to figure that out, but thanks to good marketing, he’s now filthy rich. But, I digress...

The fact that men and women can choose abstinence temporarily is common sense. Sure, anyone can choose not to sleep with someone, but often, it’s not really a choice. I’ve been on several dry spells, which I can guarantee weren’t because I decided to partake in TRA.

The reasons for non-voluntary abstinence run the gamut. Maybe you have funky breath that drives potential partners away. Or maybe, it’s just gotten around that you’re a slag or man-whore. But, those are exceptions to the rule, and there’s always an exception to the rule.

The focus should be on our differences; mainly that women and men see things very differently. Case in point: Recently, my girlfriend and I had a disagreement. We talked about it, and after I said my peace, she asked, “That’s it?” Yes, that’s it. Men are pretty black and white. Yes and no. Yin and yang. It’s just our nature. Women tend to question things, and to us men, that seems so strange because we don’t often think about things twice.

So, in the case of temporary abstinence, most guys aren’t going to think any differently about you if you hold out x number of weeks before sleeping with them. And, let’s be honest ladies, if you’re dating a guy whose logic goes something like “Well, she did sleep with me on our second date, so I’m not sure that’s the woman I want to be my wife...” Run. What kind of loon is thinking about his future wife on the second date? Run.

Now, there are some women that are looking for just that guy. The guy that dreams of finding his wife and having that brood and mini-van with a DVD player. Like I said, exception to the rule. Just like men are freaked out by women that talk weddings and engagements early on, women should beware of that person in a the male form.

If you want to hold out because you don’t want to rush things, that’s fine. In fact, if a guy can’t wait for you to be ready, dump that guy. If he likes you, he’ll stick around. But, don’t wear the crappy underwear as a deterrent. You just never know when desire will overcome your abstinence plan. And, if you decide to sleep with the potential Mr. Right ahead of schedule, he’s not going to be too keen on those big white undies. I promise you, that’s something he won’t forget. And, you only get one chance to make a first impression. For that, there is no exception to the rule.