Tim Meadows

What do these aliens want from us, Tim Meadows?
I think they’re after the planet Earth.

The aliens in this film can take over people’s minds and bodies and make them do whatever they want. If you could take over one person, who would it be and why?
Good question. I think, for comedy’s sake, if it was something that I could film and just laugh at later, it would be Ahmadinejad or someone like that. But then if I could take over someone’s body for my own personal reasons, it would be… I need a minute to think.

Sure, let’s move on. In Mars Attacks, which recalls Aliens in the Attic, NFL great Jim Brown saves the…
Wait, I got it! I know the answer. [Laughs] I love this question. The female tennis player from Russia. Sharapova. That would be my second choice. I would just tell her to be devoted to me.

But no football stars?
No, no former NFL stars in this one. Probably the closest person would be Andy Richter. If he wanted to, and focused on football, he’s big enough to be a running back or something.

Do you think aliens really exist?
Yeah, I think other life forms exist out there somewhere, but I don’t think anyone has been here.

I am of the same opinion, but still always thought it’d be fun to join one of those fringe UFO-conspiracy groups.
Yeah, I’d like to join one, and then slowly talk them out of believing in the things they believe in. Just subtly work from within, you know, put doubts in their minds, like, “Guys I don’t know. Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe we should be focusing on something else. Okay, let’s go back to the meeting.”

Turn them into productive members of society. Do these aliens have any kind of fatal weakness?
They do have a fatal weakness. Actually, I shouldn’t even say. One of the aliens is a little turncoat.

You play a sheriff in this movie. What’s the best part about playing a cop?
I got to drive a cop car, and the aviators were pretty cool.

The mustache?
The mustache was excellent. I fought with Fox for the mustache, and they fought me all the way. Even after the first day of shooting they were unsure about it, but I said, “Please let me keep it.” I heard that I’m the first actor to appear in a Fox movie with a mustache in something like 30 years.

This could pave the way for a spot for you on Reno 911!
Yeah, I would love to do that show, too. Those guys are funny as shit. They had asked me to do an episode, but I couldn’t because I was working on something else.

The cops and the parents seem clueless to alien menaces, generally speaking.
Well, I’m a parent, and I can be very clueless. It’s kind of weird, because my kids ask me to stop pretending sometimes. We’ll be playing and stuff, and they’ll be like, “Let’s go do something else,” and I’ll say, “No, let’s continue to play Star Wars. What’s wrong with you guys?”

You’re filming Grown Ups at the moment, where a bunch of dudes meet up for their 30-year high-school reunion. When did you graduate?
Uh, 1979.

Is this kind of where you pictured yourself while still in high school?
No, I think I probably saw myself as being old right now. And I feel—and, I think, look—younger than I am. At least I like to think I do. And I’m sure 17-year-old kids think the same thing when they find out how old I am, you know, “Fuck. He’s old.” But now I realize that it’s not the way I thought it would be. I’m in a profession that accepts arrested development in a way.

Sounds nice. I have my ten-year high-school reunion coming up.
All you have to do is work ten years at SNL, and then ten years outside SNL.

I’m trying.
You will.

I appreciate your confidence.
I’m going to adopt you. That’s what I think this conversation is going to get you.

I was trying to angle you into that. Did you notice?
Yeah, a little bit. You kept asking what kind of car do I have, and where do I live.

I got really interested when you started talking about your kids.
Yeah, I heard you go, “My brothers. My brothers.” [Laughs] You’re crazy, Drew.

I appreciate that, Dad.
No problem.

—Interviewed by Drew Toal

Meadows’s new film, Aliens in the Attic, opens Fri 31.

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