Dozer poseur

Photograph: Bending Brook LLC

“Left hand right! Right hand right! Right to the left—now in, in, in!”

Paul Rhaburn is shouting at me like a drill sergeant, but he doesn’t mean to be a dick. He just wants to make sure I hear him over the roar of the Bobcat 335 compact excavator I’m driving.

How’d I—a desk-ridden editor with an expired license and a penchant for fancy dresses—wind up in the seat of a machine that could flatten a man like a Fruit Roll-Up? I’m taking the Backhoe Challenge, corporate training company Bending Brook’s new three-hour session that lets everyday New Yorkers play with heavy-duty construction equipment. It’s done in the name of fun and team-building—at least that’s what they tell the Princeton, New Jersey farmer who rents out his fields—and always under the eagle-eyed instruction of OSHA-certified operators like Rhaburn.

Upon my arrival, program founders John Bachmann and Kathy Unger divide participants into two small teams, brief them on safety no-no’s (“Equipment is dangerous—you can die”), and then hand everyone fashionable neon vests and hard hats. After reviewing the basic functionality of various buttons and levers, we’re turned loose in games like Boulder Basketball and Dozer Slalom.

I’m flustered by the competitiveness of pushing 200-pound rocks in figure eights, and must consult my hands with embarrassing frequency to determine which one makes the “L.” In a few short hours, I manage to let the jackhammer slip from my limp-wristed grip (twice), drive the bulldozer on top of a boulder, and almost clock Rhaburn in the head with the excavator arm. By the time I throw the parking brake on, he looks relieved to get me the hell off his machine. And as thrilling as it is to live out my construction-worker fantasies, I’m relieved to ride public transportation all the way home.

Session prices range from $129–$179. For more info, call 866-907-1423 or visit backhoechallenge.com.

TOOL TIME
When it comes to raw power, man better know his machine—lest he lose a finger.

1. Bosch Brute electric jackhammer
This 60-pound beast is ideal for breaking bricks, asphalt and enemies’ eardrums.

2. Bobcat S150 skid-steer loader
You’ll feel the earth move under your feet when this entry-level loader (maximum lift: 5,935 pounds) hits full throttle.

3. Bobcat 335 compact excavator
Forty horses drive this petite claw daddy, which reaches speeds of up to 3.4 miles per hour and has a maximum digging force of 7,892 pounds.