Jesus, these are cool!

NEW HOLIDAYS

Nudeday
“Pronounced ‘nud-i-day,’ this naturist holiday may appeal most to those having grown up at the beach or to those with a nostalgic fondness for the Jaybird magazine era. During Northeast winters, I feel like a scummy coat check and long to shed several layers. On Nudeday, you can forget that it’s cold and gloomy outside and bask stark naked in various heated venues. Throwing logs onto fires, cranking ovens to bake stuff, dialing up hot tubs, celebrators of Nudeday may burn major fuel, but you know what? Freezing one’s ass off is not sexy—hot butt cheeks are.” —Trinie Dalton, author of Wide Eyed and the just-released Mythtym, a compilation of work from her previous zines

Umpire Day
“A day where everyone has to call it like they see it. A day of total honesty. People will have to carry around little yellow flags and throw them at people who screw up during the day. They will then also need to announce to everyone what the infraction was, who committed it and what the penalty will be.” —Rob Riggle, correspondent on The Daily Show

Be as Unproductive as Aziz Ansari by Looking at the Same Five Websites Over and Over Day
“This is a great way for New Yorkers to take a day off and waste their lives away just like me. Simply log on to the Internet and visit Facebook, Ain’t It Cool News, Google News, Digg and Kanye West’s blog over and over again in an endless loop. Then, do nothing else!

“Important project that needs to get done? Who cares? You’ve got new friend requests to approve! Need to write a paper? Why bother? You can look at a crazy coffee table on Kanye’s blog instead! Want to take things up a notch? Not a problem. Log on to AOL Instant Messenger and chat with people you have absolutely no reason to stay in touch with. Hungry? Put a bowl of Starbursts by your computer. You’ll be buried in colorful wads of paper and have a stomachache in no time.

“I promise you’ll get nothing done and feel like a total piece of shit for wasting hours of your life. Enjoy your new holiday, New York!” —Aziz Ansari, who performs stand-up Jan 9 and 10 at Comix. For info, go to azizisbored.com.

NEXT: New mistletoe»