Cheap and brilliant

Give the best thing you have: yourself—in autographed, framed-picture form. This oldie but goody is still the most hilarious workplace gift. Even better, set the photo in a superornate frame from museumfacsimiles.com".

More brilliant than cheap: Drew Levinson of Toms River, NJ, suggests an EP of “Get Metsmerized,” recorded by the 1986 world champions.­

Do something in your loved one’s honor, e.g., “I took a nap today in your honor,” “I ate this delicious bowl of Cap’n Crunch in your honor.”

For your religious pal: immortality…when you sign her up for the Time Travel Fund (timetravelfund.com). Ten bucks now buys a trip later.

For your militant atheist gadfly friend, provide everlasting life through Jesus. Sign them up for a Christian newsletter, so they can share in the good news.

For buddies with bad taste: burn ’em CDs with no labels. To paraphrase Yoda, they must go through and unlearn what they know about music.

For your rich, dopey friend, a deck of i ❤ new york souvenir playing cards. You can make your money back when you clean him out at poker night.

Jay Ruttenberg, longtime TONY music writer and editor of The Lowbrow Reader, suggests “fake dog shit,” because “that’s kind of lowbrow.”

McCain-Palin ’08 T-shirts. Now that Obama has prevailed, they should be affordable and a good gift for that annoyingly ironic compatriot of yours.

Compose a kick-ass New York itinerary with the best restaurants, walks and shows (with a little help from Time Out, of course).

Adopt, for your childless sibling, a kid through Children International (children.org). It’s $22 a month, tax deductible, and it makes a “difference.”

Give something mutually precious—like a Little League trophy from a team you were both on. Then exchange it every year at Xmas.

For your recently unemployed friend, invite her to live on your couch for a month so she can sublet her apartment and score some extra loot.

Offer to be someone’s butler for the day. Dress in a thrift-store tuxedo and follow the giftee around with a plate full of fancy cheeses.

For your perpetually single friend, steal his Nerve account log-in and set him up with someone that you think he should go out with.

Bless your long-haired hippie/headbanger associate with a free haircut. While he’s asleep.

Give the gift of mutual respect. My brother and I have done it for years, and it still works, even when he does stupid things.