Hi-diddly-ho, neig hbor-inos!

KRUSTY THE CLOWN
Jolly Joe (a.k.a. Joe Jollies), 43, rent-a-clown, “from all over”

On Krusty: “I’ve met a few clowns like Krusty. One was an alcoholic. She would be face painting and smoking and getting ash on the kids. Some people are lazy and aren’t on all cylinders all the time. To be honest with you, sometimes you get burnt-out.”

Ever had a sidekick like Sideshow Bob? “I did some work at Busch Gardens and they cast me as a chimney sweep and I had a sidekick. He was a human puppet show with puppets hanging from his shoulders. Kids would start kicking him from behind. I used my broom to sweep them off.”

CHIEF WIGGUM
Joe Lisi, 56, retired NYPD captain, Greenwich Village

On Wiggum: “I can relate. I know that it is not easy running a precinct or a whole department like the one in Springfield. More than once, I came off looking like a hero through no actions taken by me. And I have known a few cops who couldn’t find a Jewish merchant on Orchard Street, an Italian in Little Italy or a Knick in Madison Square Garden.”

Dunkin’ what? “I like doughnuts. But to a true native New Yorker, the most tasty doughnuts in New York are bagels! And by far, the best in NYC come from the Hudson Bagel Shop in Greenwich Village. A good NYC bagel and a schmear—it doesn’t get any better than that.”

LENNY AND CARL
Phil Bildner, 39, right, and Kevin Lewis, 38, partners, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

On Lenny and Carl: Kevin: “We do both work in the same industry, and see each other every day. It’s not a nuclear power plant, but it is publishing—you never know when there could be a meltdown.”

On unspoken sexual attraction: Phil: “We met on a Thursday and moved in together the following Saturday. That was ten years ago. There wasn’t much unspoken.”

On carrying photographs of each other, as Lenny does of Carl: Kevin: “It says a lot if you carry pictures of another dude in your wallet.” Phil: “Kevin used to carry a Costanza-sized wallet filled with pictures of me.”

On straight men being very, very close: Kevin: “Two guys can be very close and really love with another, and not be gay. Sometimes guys just love each other and that is okay.” Phil: “But some guys who act like best friends do have something going on the side. Especially if they are always taking long camping trips together.” Kevin: “That’s true. You know how dudes are. A week without sex? Come on.” Phil: “The pickup truck says it all.”

BARNEY GUMBLE
Dick Jerome, 51, carpenter/barstool professor, Lower East Side

On Barney: “I’m an artist, but I’m not very good at it. If I remember correctly, Barney was a poet in one episode. I guess we both drink a lot. I don’t really get inebriated, I just sort of drink a lot.”

Morning ritual: “I wake up, throw on some clothes and run over here to Milano’s. I get to the bar about 8am. If I’m going to work I have to get here an hour earlier. I’ve been having a drink first thing in the morning since I was 22. It’s a daily routine. I don’t drink at night very often. Maybe one or two, but rarely after 5pm.”

A match made in heaven: “When I first got here, the then-bartender Sully poured me a glass of vodka with just a tiny bit of grapefruit juice. It was one of the strongest and most breathtaking drinks I’ve ever had, and I remember thinking, I’ve arrived. That was in 1997. I can honestly say a day hasn’t gone by in ten years where I’m not here.”

Time for church: “The strangest place I ever woke up in was the chapel of my high school back in Minnesota. It was down in the basement. I had apparently fallen asleep during the dance and woke up in the middle of the night and had to make my way home. There was a young lady involved. And lots of spiked punch.”