Last call and response

Illustration: John Heebink

Session 73
1359 First Ave at 73rd St (212-517-4445)

The scene
One of few live-music venues on the UES, Session 73 offers jazz, blues and rock. Look for an outdoor seating area and loads of preppy professionals who are either (a) aware that this place is kinda lame, or (b) mistakenly under the impression they’re at the Hotel Gansevoort.

The last call
At 3am one recent Saturday, ten straight-out-of-collegers were grinding to canned ’80s slow jams, while a few others groped awkwardly in the back. Easy pickings, but by 3:45, the lights were on and I was battling Chadwick and Muffy for a cab.

Odds of a sloppy hookup
7:5

Bar 13
35 E 13th St at University Pl (212-979-6677)

The scene
A perfect My First Club. There’s house music on the ground level and hip-hop on the second, but everyone really wants to be up on the roof—which has another bar, a few plants and fluorescent pink-lit tables.

The last call
Around 3:30am, the bouncers let the $10 cover slide. Inside,the bartender offered free shots of classy tequila, and a bouncer flirted with my friend (no one else was around). It was like a late-night college party, after the keg’s kicked.

Odds of a sloppy hookup
3:1

Sutton Place
1015 Second Ave between 53rd and 54th Sts (212-207-3777)

The scene
This upscale-meets-college bar has two indoor floors with flat screens, moderately priced drinks and a breezy rooftop terrace bar. The DJ spins an endless stream of pop music, and by that we mean, specifically, “Smooth” by Santana.

The last call
The bartenders are ready to cash out while the randy patrons strategize on the terrace. The other night, a guy looked to his friend wearing a wedding ring and whispered, “You’re not hiding your ring yet, are you?” He replied, “No. But it could happen.”

Odds of a sloppy hookup
1:1

The Gate
321 Fifth Ave at 3rd St, Park Slope, Brooklyn (718-768-4329)

The scene
Cheap booze and a well-stocked jukebox draw hip Park Slope patrons to this laid-back watering hole. A wide variety of microbrews are available on tap, and the bartenders will give you samples. In warmer months, get there early to snag a spot on the outdoor patio.

The last call
The patio closes at 2am, forcing the mellow crowd indoors. Soul and old-school country played on the jukebox. Couples canoodled on the comfy leather couches. If you’re looking for that desperate, drunk-ass-in-the-corner vibe, it’s up to you to bring it.

Odds of a sloppy hookup
8:1

The Eagle
554 W 28th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves (646-473-1866)

The scene<br /> On the western end of north Chelsea’s clubland war zone, there’s a relatively discreet, dark door that rarely has a line. This is the Eagle, NYC’s chief hangout for the gay leather-and-fetish set, and inside you’ll find three levels—including a surprisingly lovely roof deck—of men.

The last call
Things really heat up when the loudspeaker announces last call around 3:45am. It’s hard to imagine anyone not finding someone to go home with—except maybe that guy slumped over in the corner with his fly undone. Or the guy who tried to lick my shaved head.

Odds of a sloppy hookup
2:3

Lost and Found
113 Franklin St at Greenpoint Ave, Greenpoint, Brooklyn (no phone)

The scene
Lost and Found attracts a svelte, motley rogues’ gallery of Greenpoint locals, Skee-Ball enthusiasts and wanna-be competitive eaters (thanks to free hot dogs).

The last call
Late nights aren’t that different from early nights here: Highlights of a recent last call included getting a drink spilled on me, playing Jersey Shore–style bowling and watching a friend do his best Kobayashi impression. Who needs a date?

Odds of a sloppy hookup
6:1