I’m a manly man…but I love pedicures

I’m an FDNY firefighter—six feet three inches and 220 pounds—but I also practice yoga, get pedicures and enjoy brewing tea. About three months ago, I started going to yoga classes at my gym because it increases my flexibility, which is important when fighting fires. Last summer, a female friend convinced me to get a pedicure, and now I get them every two weeks to get rid of calluses. I don’t get paint on my toenails because that’s gay. Going to yoga and getting a pedicure is not gay, but getting paint on your nails is. I’ve taken to brewing loose-leaf tea in my own cast-iron pot because coffee is bad for your muscles.

I’m confident in my manliness—I love women—but I’d rather keep my habits a secret than face the abuse of my friends and coworkers. At the firehouse they’d break my balls every day [if they knew], and they’d be convinced I was gay. They wouldn’t understand that everything I do just goes back to staying physically healthy. Well, except maybe the pedicures.

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Look around you. New Yorkers are just not who you think they are.