The sex tour!

La Semana Hotel

Fri
Does summer in the city leave you feeling hot and steamy? Then snatch your honey and make time to take in all the dirty, pretty things this sexy city has to offer. Start with some aphrodisiac action at the Grand Central Oyster Bar & Restaurant (42nd St at Park Ave, 212-490-6650); you can stand at the Whispering Gallery outside and murmur filthy intentions to your blushing lover, who will hear you clearly from 20 feet away. Then it’s on to Pink Elephant (527 W 27th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, 212-463-0000), a Chelsea hot spot that blows pheromone-laced scents onto writhing dancers while they suck down pricey bottle-service beverages. The low-key feel of fun flesh joint Headquarters (552 W 38th St at Eleventh Ave, 212-967-4646) is a nice contrast: Corset-clad vixens bring $12 drinks to your table as you watch very real girls bump and grind. Bring your evening to a climax at tryst-friendly La Semana Hotel (25 W 24th St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 212-255-5944). Spend three glorious hours in a room with a dodgy duvet cover, a hot tub and mirror-lined walls, for just $82.

Sat
After a quickie tour of the Museum of Sex (233 Fifth Ave at 27th St, 212-689-6337), while away the afternoon browsing for gifts. Kiki de Montparnasse (79 Greene St between Broome and Spring Sts, 212-965-8150) is perfect for stocking up on essentials such as a Swarovski crystal–encrusted, gold-plated travel vibrator ($150) or a diamond-studded cock ring ($795). Hard-core shoppers can scour Purple Passion DV8 (211 W 20th St between Seventh and Eighth Aves, 212-807-0486): The walls are lined with leather, rubber, bondage gear, corsets, butt plugs, ball gags and the like.

Come dinnertime, red-blooded Romeos can eat their hearts out at Robert’s Steakhouse, inside classy gentlemen’s refuge the Penthouse Executive Club (603 W 45th St at Eleventh Ave, 212-245-0002). What happens next is up to you. Brooklyn swingers should head to CasBar in Greenwood Heights (BYOB!), where scantily clad straight couples and bi women mingle in a converted warehouse (srcasbar.com). And on the third Saturday of every month, hot young LGBTs (no heteros!) hit Park Slope, strip to their undies and go at it at SPAM (submitparty.com/spam).

Sun
A bracing morning stroll through the Ramble in Central Park could reward voyeurs with glimpses of skin in the bushes. After snapping some pictures, continue the walk of shame back to your pad to sleep off the weekend’s excesses.—Clare Lambe