City stimulants: Indoors

Close talking

A busy bar boils like a cauldron of pheromones, but here’s what really makes us feel funny inside: It’s so loud, you have to practically lick the ear of your listener. The proximity of lips to lobes sends shocks up and down your spine, even if some dude’s talking about his 401k. For extra frisson, grab the window seat at the Dove—the comely bartenders get so close they pretty much sit on your lap to take your order.
228 Thompson St between Bleecker and W 3rd St (212-254-1435)

The automated voice on the 4, 5 and 6 trains

Those soothing yet authoritative announcements are like aural sex. The voice behind the sweet entreaties belongs to radio anchor Jessica Ettinger Gottesman of 1010 WINS. Thanks to her, swaying East Siders can get their rocks off nightly to the dominatrixy sound of “The next stop is…59th Street.” “It doesn’t creep me out that people are into my voice,” says Gottesman. “I don’t have to actually stand next to them.” Whatever, Jessica—we’d still like to put our train in your tunnel.

The Met

The Greek and Roman galleries at the Met

The ancients knew from nudes. Since the Met refurbished and reopened these galleries last month, frescos with phalli, soft-core porn on ceramic bowls and incendiary scenes on cool, cool marble have been firing up hordes of museumgoers. Even the Times succumbed: It ran a half-page photo of a stone ass in its review. Cheeky.
1000 Fifth Ave at 82nd St (212-535-7710)

Baristas at Joe

The employees at the West Village outpost of NYC coffee chain Joe know how to sweeten your Americano. “A lot of our baristas are actors, musicians and singers,” says owner Jonathan Rubinstein. “Attractiveness comes with the territory.” Staffer William Gross, a half-Asian, half-Caucasian guitar player, works his mysterious vibe and Williamsburg-rocker look, while brunet Krista Warden is unbelievably cute and stylish. Good looks aside, we are seriously aroused by someone who can make a stiff morning-after coffee. 141 Waverly Pl between Sixth Ave and Gay St (212-924-6750)

Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater

…through whose windows you see dancers bending, stretching and doing other things that show off their fine, fine arts (405 W 55th St at Ninth Ave, 212-405-9000). Classes run pretty much all day, so there’s almost always a free show—just be cool about your voyeurism. Try hiding under the pay phone on the east side of Ninth Avenue. For an equally Disturbia-like charge, check out the windows of Midtown East New York Sports Club (200 Madison Ave at 36th St, 212-686-1144). You’ll be the one breaking a sweat.

Tasti D-Lite

The sea horses at the Aquarium

Kinky, polysexual perverts harboring mothering fantasies will take pleasure in this aquatic gender-role reversal: Male sea horses carry kids, their stomachs bulging like they swallowed marbles. The turn-on is rooted in the unexpectedly obvious:  “Wouldn’t any male that pregnant be sexy?” asks the Aquarium’s Fran Hackett. Surf Ave at 8th St, Coney Island, Brooklyn (718-265-3474)

Hookah bars

Whether it’s the phallic suggestiveness or the tobacco high, sucking on a shisha pipe can get even antismokers (and bloggers over the trend) wet. Wrap your mouth around 45 sensual flavors at Hade Bade, including mint, rose, cantaloupe, cappuccino and the nightcap-worthy cognac. 89 E 2nd St between First Ave and Ave A (212-677-2223)

Coed spas

Know what’s steamier than sitting around nearly naked with nubile-fleshed members of the opposite sex? Doing so with actual steam. Let the mist moisten your naughty bits at Juvenex, which has an igloo sauna, an herbal steam sauna, a rain-forest shower, three soaking tubs and a baked-clay low-temperature sauna—all coed after 7pm. 25 W 32nd St between Fifth Ave and Broadway, fifth floor (646-733-1330)

Duane Reade

This drugstore’s long lines are actually welcome during the summer, providing ample time for eye contact along with the eyedrops. It’s not always sexy—hide the wart remover under that In Style—but some purchases can be a turn-on, offering an intimate glimpse into private lives. (Imagine going through your date’s medicine cabinet before the date.) For prime viewing, visit First Avenue and 76th Street, where Upper East Siders fresh from the nearby New York Sports Club stock up, their triceps goose-pimpled from the air conditioning. 1467 First Ave at 76th St (212-585-2108)

Forever 21

Brooklyner Weisse Beer

Yeast and wheat. Not very sexy on their own, but together, in the form of Brooklyn Brewery’s Brooklyner Weisse Beer, they’re intoxicating. Richard Scholz, co-owner of beer-nut mecca Bierkraft, just received his first order of the popular seasonal brew last week. “It’s strong on the banana flavor, and tastes a little bubble-gummy on tap,” he says. In other words, like a first kiss. 191 Fifth Ave between Berkeley Pl and Union St, Park Slope, Brooklyn (718-230-7600)

Tasti D-Lite

Pinkberry, eat this: The watery, flavorless, beloved Tasti D draws women skinny (because they wanna stay that way) and rotund (because they don’t), and dudes just after a run. There’s something for everyone—and there’s always a queue. Try the uptown locales for a lineup of MILFs and single dads; or the West Village outlet for younger dairy kings and queens. 116–118 Seventh Ave South at Christopher St (212-929-7949)

The Giraffes

The Giraffes’ sinewy lead singer, Aaron Lazar, once boasted that he wore pants so tight you could tell his religion. All we know is that he’s a member of the church of hot, and there’s something about spending a steamy summer night watching the Brooklyn band seduce the crowd with evil-sounding, serpentine riffs wrapped in pure charisma. It makes us feel weird down there. The Giraffes play Luna Lounge Jun 16: 361 Metropolitan Ave at Havermeyer St, Williamsburg, Brooklyn (718-384-7112).

The mannequins at Forever 21

Are we so desperate that sneaking a peek at inanimate women dressed in mall clothes turns us on? No, we’re not. But the Andrew McCarthy inside us is. 40 E 14th St at Third Ave (212-228-0598)

Compiled by: Joshua M. Bernstein, Laura Dannen, Michael Freidson, Ethan LaCroix, Clare Lambe, Kate Lowenstein, Alison Rosen, Dewey Selmon, William Tracy and Helen Yun

Also in this issue:

• We so horny: Ooh, yeah—can you feel it? Spring. It’s got us so...aroused. All that undressed flesh and sexy goings-on in the city. Wanna see? Come along for 33 things that make us hot.
• City stimulants: Indoors: Hot baristas...hookahs...Hellenic statues
• City stimulants: Outdoors: Eye candy on the beach, in the park, at the stadium...and dogs doin' it.
• City stimulants: Central Park: The Mecca of spring ogling deserves its own separate discussion.
• Carnal knowledge: Being horny affects more than your little brain. Armed with porn, we put five subjects to the test.
• Gross anatomy: Girls: When the weather warms up, the local animal life sheds its skins—and sometimes reveals more than you wanted to see.
• Gross anatomy: Guys
• Spill your spring fetish: Tell us what turns you on. It'll be our little secret.
• Horny Quiz: Women: What's your spring fever temperature?
• Horny Quiz: Men: What's your spring fever temperature?
• Sexy or skanky! Men: You decide! Rate the fashion of these potentially spring fever-afflicted New York men.
• Sexy or skanky!: You decide! Rate the fashion of these potentially spring fever-afflicted New York women.
• Reader fetishes: We asked what turns you on in spring and you told us. Often in detail.
• Summer movie preview: Your guide to what's out this season.