Dive bars

Holland Bar

Photograph: David Rosenzweig

Real dive
Holland Bar
Hidden in Port Authority’s shadows, this railroad flat is where you can self-medicate with winos whose spirits are barely higher than bottom-shelf booze. 532 Ninth Ave between 39th and 40th Sts (212-502-4609)

Fake dive
Welcome to the Johnsons
For a slice of imitation sleaze, slink to this engineered dive, a Pabst-slinging pit decorated like a suburban basement circa ’77—and mostly frequented by kids born in the mid-’80s. 123 Rivington St between Essex and Norfolk Sts (212-420-9911)

Iggy’s

Photograph: Donna Rickles

Jostle me—I like it
Iggy’s
Pack in beside wanna-be American idols and uptown party hounds. The rollicking karaoke sing-alongs are fueled by cut-rate beer and liquor. It’s the worst-best time on the UES. 1452 Second Ave between 75th and 76th Sts (212-327-3043)

I just want to get laid
Patriot Saloon
Lug your libido to this skuzzy hole, where hornballs guzzle Wild Turkey like water, execute bar-top gyrations and heed the jukebox’s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk (and Screw)” mating call. 110 Chambers St between West Broadway and Church St (212-748-1162)

I just want to be left alone
Glen Oaks Bar
Idolize George Thorogood and prefer solo drinking? Then a dusty Irish longtimer is your ideal ghost town for downing stiff drinks served by crotchety characters. 36-16 30th Ave between 36th and 37th Sts, Astoria, Queens (718-278-9388)

Bar Great Harry

Photograph: Dave Sanders

Surprisingly good suds
Bar Great Harry
Don’t be deceived by the dim lighting and ratty furniture: The barkeeps dispense superior pints, including sippers from Captain Lawrence and Sly Fox. 280 Smith St at Sackett St, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn (718-222-1103)

Filled with moody drunks
Blarney Cove
Grumbles and stink-eyes greet interlopers at this decor-less narrow bunker populated by surly bartenders and hangdog lushes drowning their gloom with hooch. 510 E 14th St between Aves A and B (212-473-9284)

Filled with friendly drunks
Johnny’s Bar
Though the scuffed, heavily stickered hole-in-the-wall appears pit-bull mean, the grizzled barflies possess a cheery bonhomie, doubtlessly aided by daily shot deals and a Motown soundtrack. 90 Greenwich Ave between 12th and 13th Sts (212-741-5279)

A reason to drink in daylight
Duff’s
Grab a frigid PBR ($1 until 9pm nightly) and crowd onto the coffin-decorated patio at this heavy-metal-haven. There’s nothing quite like headbanging to Black Sabbath and Motörhead while the sun beats down. 28 North 3rd St at Kent Ave, Williamsburg, Brooklyn (718-302-0411)

Billymark’s West

Photograph: David Rosenzweig

I just want to get drunk
Billymark’s West
Screw small talk: Your sole mission is sitting with gallerists, FIT types and petulant postal workers murdering brain cells with a beer-whiskey sledgehammer. 332 Ninth Ave at 29th St (212-629-0118)

Killer jukebox
Great Lakes
Join geeked-out music junkies for marvelous customer-made mix-CDs. The track lists span from jangly Pavement songs to Hank Williams’s tears-in-your-beer tunes. 284 Fifth Ave at 1st St, Park Slope, Brooklyn (718-499-3710)

—Joshua M. Bernstein