Not buying Julia(TM)

I got attitude can take one a long way, you may need to address yours.

BITTER!!!! i totally agree with julia. i have a girlfriend who is 6'1 built like a football player, has a huge schnoz, slightly plump, has a lesbo short hair cut, AND get this is STILLLL a virgin @ age 28!!! but the boys keep rolling in!! i mean she has a good personality, but DAMN!!! its too shocking for words!!! it just goes to show that the inside is what counts.

Well... it sure sounds like someone's been eating pickle sandwiches and washing it down with lemonade... can we say BITTER! omg... you're basically saying that women shouldn't have confidence, and that if you're not 'textbook' gorgeous then you have to settle for anyone who'll take you???... that's rediculous. Maybe you just have confidence/self image issues. You do have to put yourself out there, because if you're the girl who's willing to sit down and hold the handbags... then why would any guy ask you to dance or offer to buy you a drink???... maybe you should get out on the dance floor and stop comparing yourself to other woman. It's all about you and how you feel about yourself. If you don't think you're attractive then no one else will. But if it makes you happy, oh ye of little confidence... then by all means... continue to settle for the 'intimidating' types... meanwhile, I'll be on the dance floor with the beautiful people... not only because we look good, but because we feel good about ourselves!... Kudos to Julia!

@Geoff PuhLeeze. Julia is gorgeous and your remarks are condescending to any woman who has to compete against someone who looks liker her! Plus she's pretty dippy and relativly shallow.

wow, for the longest time i thought that there was no way that women in NYC had become so uninteresting. but if SITC is all you aspire to, then you have succeeded. this article and counterpoint both sadly point out how homogenized, corporate and sterile this city has become. where have all the real women gone or ....are they no longer coming to new york? ladies i bid you both bon chance!

they both sound like whiney new yorkers - kinda like sex and the city whiney - it's new york - guys have it made here and just want to get laid

Ashlea, it's so lame, uncreative, and shallow to hate on someone because you think they're prettier than you or your readers. Seems like you think you are representing the "everywoman" POV, but in reality, you are bashing Julia's girl-power attitude just because of the way she looks. I am an average-looking girl in an average-sized town that is a big fan of Julia because she actually says what she wants to, even when there are 100 Julia-haters for every Julia-liker. Tell me that doesn't represent every woman.

Look, I think Julia is beautiful but if you stop and think about it she is NOT the conventional image of beauty. Part of her appeal is her confidence and her upbeat personality.

I see her as a regular girl who is just as insecure as the rest of us but who knows how to play up her best features, dress, use makeup, and act like someone you'd want to be around. Who men might want to date and women want to be friends with.

I think I speak for a lot people when I say: Give me a fricken break with the Julia Allison Hate Parade.. You waste so much time paying attention to her that you add to the so called marketing of julia allison. People should be able to be light and cheery and love thier life like her. This world is filled with callous and malicious people such as yourself that actually take time out of thier day to HATE on such beautiful people. Give it up.

Julia Allison has more failed relationships then succeful ones.. who's she to suggest she knows anything about the topic?

I agree with Dani, I know gorgeous women who are just as insecure as you are. I also know physically attractive women who don't take care of themselves. P.S. Insecure men are intimidated by beautiful women. I just don't want to talk to a girl who looks like a downer.

Ashlea looks like a younger, cooler Jennifer Tilly in her pictures. If she was a purse guard, it's because maybe she let herself become that. I mean, it doesn't take that much to strike up a convo with a man in a bar. But you sure won't have that chance if you don't step away from the purses and look halfway interested in being in the room. There are plenty of gorgeous women who don't know how to just relax and chat to with dudes. And they don't fare so well either. I think it's important to just be able to meet people with pressuring yourself to get digits. It's when I was able to just seem men as potential friends and nothing more that I could really be myself and relaxed. That's how I met my fiance.

I have to say that I can't get on board the Anti-Julia train. In fact, I think that Julia makes a lot of sense, and her advice is not just applicable to dating, but to other aspects of life as well. The difference between an Ashlea and a Julia at the bar/office/on the subway has less to do with innate god-given beauty, and more to do with confidence. Sure, someone who is born with what is considered conventional good looks has a leg up in the world of attention, but they don't have a corner on the market. I think everyone has had an experience of being incredibly attracted to someone, while at the same time being totally aware that they are not going to be confused with a model anytime soon. People want to be with people who act as if they don't need them. Just the same, it is much easier to find a job if you have one. Someone who is "applying" for a position, be it professionally, socially, or sexually, needs to present the potential "employer(for lack of a better metaphor)" with the appearance of being capable, willing, experienced, and competent at doing the job. If you dress like you haven't worked in weeks, expect not to get the job, and resent the fact that they even bothered to "interview" you, you stand a pretty crap chance of getting hired. It isn't about being aloof, nor is it about being delusional, but more about a feeling of groundedness and contentment with being you. When you present the feeling that you need someone else's approval/interest there is a subtle amount of pressure put upon the other person to deliver those things. That is repellent. That is not appealing. In casual social situations, people want to be lightly invited in, not grabbed at/tackled/latched onto. And they want people who know they are wanted. That is what is attractive. Looking at someone who is open and personable, and completely self-assured. If you can find a way to feel like a million bucks(working out/new wardrobe/haircut, for me it helped to just stand up straight), other people are going to notice and want a cut of the money (very forced inuendo).

I don't know what Ashlea looks like but I can say that her article is more on the level verses the prancing queen in the front cover. It's all about sales folks and guess what? TONY was going to sell more w/ a sassy Allison on it's cover than a true single girl who lives an everyday lifestyle. Note Ashlea's more grounded article got less text space and there was no sassy photos. I absolutely agree that advice like be yourself is a lot easier to take if a happy girl who would pose for weight watchers happened say it than a size 2 perky Allison said it.

Ashlea, I can't even process your point because I find you completely disingenuous. It's not hard to find pictures of you on the internet--you're hot. Your boyfriend is hot. What's more, you know it. No girl who thinks she's too homely for anyone non-homeless posts sexy pictures of herself touching her lips in bed. Maybe you're the pursewatcher because you're happily coupled and your girlfriends--whatever they look like--deserve a chance to look for what you already have. Cry me a river, skinny.

I agree with Ashlea in that no, not everyone looks like Julia Allison. But I think that Julia has an excellent point-- you shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not, because it won't get you anywhere. Julia's packaging of that sentiment may be irritating (personally, the idea of "marketing" myself rubs me the wrong way), but too many people try and turn themselves into what they think other people want, and it backfires.

FINALLY! ashlea, thanks for bravely stating what every woman thinks when they see julia allison - if you look like julia allison, the world is your oyster. if you don't look like julia allison, and have no desire to, then the world is more like a soggy, cold, fried clam. i believe in empowerment and self-esteem for women with a heavy dose of reality. julia's reality ain't mine...not by a long shot.

thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking, Ashlea! This woman is beyond annoying and clearly not at peace with herself -- but who's gonna care when she looks like that?