We all market ourselves: We do it at every job interview or first date. Does that well-honed persona perfectly represent every facet of our complicated, multidimensional selves? Of course not. But if you’re marketing yourself properly, it should not only be an amplified representation of your most important qualities now, but also point toward your future and the person you are becoming.

So why is marketing yourself effectively so damned hard, and why does it initially feel so disingenuous? Probably because most of us are still struggling to figure out who we are and who we want to be. At the same time, we’re so worried that who we are is not enough (not smart enough or beautiful enough or rich enough or—yeah—lovable enough) that we present this facade to the dating world, which makes us unhappy and even more insecure.

Fortunately, we don’t have to get everyone to date us (or even like us!). In fact, good self-marketing separates the “buyers” we want from the tire kickers we don’t. (You might find me attractive as a person, but someone else might not—and that’s okay.)

Even in the corporate world, good branding is not about putting out a “perfect” facade, however superficially seductive. As marketing pro Seth Godin says, “Good marketers tell a story, but a product for everyone rarely reaches much of anyone.”

If you try to market yourself as something you’re not, you’ll find someone who loves you for that—and not for you. From that point on, it’s easy to believe that we’re not good enough to be loved for who we are, when really we’re not good enough to be loved for who we pretend to be.

No one knows better than me—some people will love you for the same reasons other people hate you.

CONTINUE »