No excuses

“I have no money or insurance!”

While therapists normally charge hourly rates of $100 or more, The Center for Modern Psychoanalytic Studies (16 W 10th St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 212-260-7050) docks you a onetime processing fee of $40. How much each visit costs is settled between you and your advanced psychoanalytic candidate (who is seeking a license in psychoanalysis). “No one is turned away because of their finances,” says center director Ronald Okuaki Lieber, adding that some patients have paid less than $20 a session.

“I have no time!”

Ask a nearby doc to come to your office for an hourly session; we did with Rose Ortiz and it worked. Or try “cybertherapy”: Social worker Clay Cockrell founded Online Psychotherapy (onlinepsychotherapy.com), and treats patients via webcam (for $100 per session, half the cost of an in-office visit with the doctor). He also began a program called Walk and Talk—lace up your sneakers and take a brisk walk while conducting the same psychoanalytical discussion you’d have in his office.

“Shrinks are douche bags!”

Worried about getting stuck with a therapist who’s corny in that tell-me-how-you-feel way? Find your ideal doctor type using Psychology Today’s search engine (psychologytoday.com). Locate therapists in your zip code, then sort them by gender, credentials and cost. Each profile is accompanied by a photo (very important, so you can see which look truly empathetic and which are scary weirdos) and a brief personal statement, which offers insight into the shrink’s philosophy and cheese factor.

—Dena Libner