No sugar

I’m an addict. And I don’t mean that in a cutesy way, like when you’re at a party and you politely accept a third piece of cake with “Oh, I really shouldn’t, I’m such a chocoholic.” Me, I eat cookies for breakfast. I carry candy bars in my purse. It’s amazing I’m not diabetic. Or dead. Giving up sugar for a month was not going to be easy. There would be headaches, crankiness, withdrawal. I would probably lose friends.

I started Day One with an eager resolve that I knew in my sad, weak heart would never last. I was home for Thanksgiving and so stuffed that I didn’t want dessert. Plus, I felt superior: Watching my family gorge on cake only made me stronger.

But just in case, my agreed-upon punishment for this monthlong experiment was a ten-block jog for every transgression (the rationale being that sugar is detrimental to my health and running would counter that). I hate exercise, and also, if you haven’t noticed, it’s freaking cold out—a half-mile run is something I’d rather avoid.

Two days after T-day, I ran into trouble. Food shopping suddenly involved way too much reading. There’s sugar in tomato sauce? And even in the hippie-brand shredded wheat? Then I began to bargain with myself (I’ll run the half mile if I can just have this Hershey’s bar) and rationalizing (I should run, it’s good for me). As long as I’m going to jog anyway, I might as well have this Reese’s peanut butter cup.

It became clear that I am a junkie—which means I have a junkie’s ingenuity. I quelled my cravings in the form of diabetic sweets. They don’t have real sugar, they have some chemically altered slow-digesting version that doesn’t screw with your body. Except that it does. One word: diarrhea. Now let’s move on.

I explored other substitutes and found some solace in clementines and pasta. But by the next week, I was a mess. I had headaches, a huge chip on my shoulder and no more willpower. On top of that, I was hosting a holiday get-together that I’d planned before undertaking this crucible. I bought more clementines to put out with the treats, but I knew it was a charade: When faced with a bowl of M&M’s, I will cave. As party day approached, I hatched a plan: vegan cookies! They’re sweetened with agave nectar, which nutritionists say is better than regular white sugar. “Agave has a lower glycemic index than refined sugars,” says holistic health counselor Peter Lappin, “so it’s less likely to cause the proverbial sugar rush followed by a crash.” Is this actually effective? I will never know. Because when it came to the night of my party, I ate those M&M’s. I ate them all. And it was worth the run.

Photograph: Dan Eckstein

How to detox yourself
Wanna give up the sweets?

1. “Butternut squash and yams satisfy your sweet tooth,” says Lappin. Attend his “Beat the Sugar Habit” on January 14, 6:30–8pm. 39 W 14th St between Fifth and Sixth Aves (vibrantlivingnyc.com)

2. Forget food altogether. “Often when we’re craving, we’re actually dehydrated,” says holistic health counselor Angela Davis. She’s available for individual counseling. (nourishingworks.com)

3. Head to Babycakes NYC, where treats are made with agave nectar. 248 Broome St between Ludlow and Orchard Sts (babycakesnyc.com)