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Tourists
Tourists ticketed
Download your own printable "Tourist Violation" ticket
Photograph: Michael KirbyCrime
Wearing offensive clothing
New York City is one of the fashion capitals of the world, yet tourists still show up on our chic soil sporting fanny packs over acid-washed jeans and T-shirts only a high schooler should wear…in 1996.
Violator
Bill from Glasgow
I pulled the Scot over after witnessing him weave down Broadway in cutoff denim shorts and sandals with socks. A double violation—especially in the fall! His excuse: “My kilt is dirty. I wore it yesterday.” Then he offered to take off his shorts right then and there, and attempted to sweet-talk his way out of the ticket. Unfortunately for him, this cop can’t be won over. Just kidding! Call me, Bill!
Photograph: Michael KirbyCrime
Obstructing pedestrians while gawking
There’s a reason Good Morning America is televised: so you can watch it on television, not outside its studio in Times Square, where you get in the friggin’ way of New Yorkers trying to get to work.
Violators
Navy men Joe, Christopher and Dustin from Nebraska, Maryland and Florida, respectively
These young submariners were hoping to get on TRL by standing smack-dab in the middle of busy pedestrian traffic. If there was any retribution, it’s that I unknowingly got between them and MTV VJ Sway, who was walking past as I reprimanded them. “We almost met someone famous until you came along,” snarled Joe. Well, a cock-block for a walk-block, sailor!
Photograph: Michael KirbyCrime
Taking pictures of stupid things
Snapping photos of the Statue of Liberty, the view from the Empire State Building or even—God forbid—the Naked Cowboy is fine. But taking pictures of Carrie Bradshaw’s stoop, the Trump Tower or homeless people (“Look, mom! Dirty people!”) will get you fined.Violator
Powell from Spokane, Washington
During Macy’s unveiling of its holiday windows, Powell wasn’t taking a picture of the displays; instead, he chose to capture his family looking at the windows. They were an attractive lot, but still—what a boring-ass picture. Why don’t you just shoot a trash can, Powelly? Or maybe a mailbox? A freakin’ manhole?!? Wait, that could be hot.Crime
Mispronouncing street names
Hey, tourists: We don’t go to a major city in Texas and call it “HOW-ston.” Show some respect!Violators
Suzy and Claire from Ireland
The two suspects were browsing in a souvenir shop, picking out i [Heart] ny T-shirts, when I approached them and pointed to Houston Street on a map. “Can you read this for me?” I asked, knowing full well they were going to fuck up. (I think that’s entrapment, but whatever. I’m a fake cop, so I might as well be a fake cop without ethics.) Sure enough, the Irish gals mispronounced the street name, and I pronounced them guilty!Crime
Eating at a chain restaurant
Despite all the ace eateries in this city, tourists still hole up at the Olive Garden for bottomless bread sticks.Violators
Johan and Cindy from Dover, New Jersey
Johan and Cindy strolled into Red Lobster, as happy as clams. It was Cindy’s birthday, and what better way to celebrate than with a Lobsterita®? Johan defended their choice: “We’ve been here before, and it’s very, very good.” It’s hard to argue with succulent shrimp scampi! Still, I issued them tickets and recommended a new restaurant, a little nouveau-American place: It’s called T.G.I. Friday’s, and its potato skins are fab!
Time Out New York / Issue 635 : Nov 29–Dec 5, 2007No comments yet
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