Touring with the Swiss

Their TOUR:

The Gaehwilers are not your typical tourists. My first clue? They ask to meet me under the Brooklyn Bridge. Considering how rare it is for visitors (and even some New Yorkers) to feel comfortable leaving Manhattan, I’m quite impressed.

“You always like to choose different things like this,” Rita says to her daughter Annina, both of them first-time visitors to the U.S. They’re here to celebrate Annina’s 26th birthday and Rita’s departure from a hospital where she worked as an endoscopy nurse for 11 years.

“We would like to know where the people go who live here,” says Annina. “I’m not interested in where all the Asian tourists go. If I can just read about it in a book, I’ll stay home.”

On our way to Dumbo, Annina spots the Powerhouse Bookstore (37 Main St between Front and Water Sts, Brooklyn; 1-866-99-ARENA). As a furniture designer, Annina is drawn to the sculptures and paintings inside. Rita speaks less English than her daughter, but she minces no words when it comes to the store’s black-and-white photos of people begging for change outside designer boutiques. “This,” she says grimly, “is the same in every city.”

I am amazed (and maybe slightly annoyed) when the ladies then lead me to a place I’d had on our itinerary for the following day: Jacques Torres (66 Water St between Main and Dock Sts, 718-875-9772). Leave it to Swiss tourists to scope out the best chocolate in the city. Surprisingly, they only order two sad espressos. I politely force them to try the Wicked hot chocolate, afraid they’ll otherwise miss the point. They enjoy it—“tastes like Christmas”—and we decide to leave Brooklyn.

One thing no tourist can resist is a visit to the zenith of American invention: the Apple Store (767 Fifth Ave between W 58th and 59th Sts, 212-336-1440). Rita and I wait while Annina buys an iPhone for a friend.

Moving right along, we hit another tourist fave: the Museum of Modern Art (11 W 53rd St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 212-708-9400). Overwhelmed by the block-long line of people waiting to get in for MoMA’s free Friday night, we ensnare ourselves in ye olde overpriced Irish pub tourist trap instead: Connolly Bar and Restaurant (44 W 54th St between Fifth and Sixth Aves, 212-489-0271). Rita is amazed that the bartender doesn’t charge her for tap water; many Swiss restaurants have begun to charge for the service it takes to pour it. “After all,” she says, “they have to wash the glass.”

TONY’s tour:
As we walk past picketing stagehands in Midtown on our second day of sightseeing, I feel confident that my Swiss friends will be impressed with everything I show them. We pause on our way to Chelsea so that Annina can take a picture of an abandoned high heel perched on a filthy sidewalk. The image makes Rita and Annina laugh. They seem to find the smallest details to be the most interesting.

Tipped off by their appreciation for modern art, I take the women first to Lehmann Maupin (540 W 26th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, 212-255-2923). Inside, Doh Ho Suh’s room-spanning acrylic vortex sculpture, Cause and Effect, dazzles Annina. We move on to an exhibit of the works of Andre Kertesz, “The Polaroids,” at Silverstein Photography (535 W 24th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, 212-627-3930), where tiny framed photographs line the walls. Rita and Annina stand with their eyes inches away from each, examining them carefully and nodding in appreciation.

The galleries are impressive, but the real spectacle is their parade of pasty ladies in fur, and salty men wearing ascots without a trace of irony. At one point, Annina rolls her eyes and laughs. Though neither of the women say anything, they seem to find the crowd as silly as I do.

Heading down Tenth Avenue, my Swiss friends are drinking up the sights—as am I, since I’ve rarely been down this stretch. Annina pulls us inside Printed Matter (195 Tenth Ave between W 22nd and 23rd Sts, 212-925-0325), and we pour over handmade zines and other artist publications.

I sense some trepidation in my guests when I tell them where we’re headed next: a monastery. They’re relieved when we arrive at the General Theological Monastery (175 Ninth Ave between W 20th and 21st Sts, 212-243-5150) and discover the impressive Gothic Revival architecture, its beauty outweighing its non–New Yorkishness. Rita tries to get me to pronounce the Swiss-German word for “squirrel” as we walk the grounds, which I do clumsily. After a visit to the Chapel of the Good Shepherd, we crash a catered party in a ballroom with what looks like scattered set pieces from The Da Vinci Code.

Later, we head to Eleni’s in Chelsea Market (75 Ninth Ave between W 16th and 17th Sts, 212-243-6005). “Now this is what I think of when I think of Americans,” announces Annina, gazing at a glass case loaded with candy-colored frosted cupcakes. I can’t believe I’ve outed myself as a gluttonous American.

At our final stop, the teeny Pakistan Tea House (176 Church St between Duane and Reade Sts, 212-240-9800), Annina and Rita struggle to place their orders with the woman behind the counter. She has little patience for explaining the difference between the tray filled with green liquid and the tray filled with red liquid.

Mother and daughter smile politely and guess at recognizable foods that they might want. I have an equally hard time choosing, but play it safe with something that has “tikka” in its name. Annina and Rita are excited to find this little hole-in-the-wall and thank me profusely. Sadly, I’m not as thankful for my tikka dish.

—Heidi Patalano