The HR guide to surviving an office hookup

Also see: How to get laid at the company party

Everyone knows the official line on getting busy with coworkers: Don’t do it. But for anyone who has spent any time in an office, that idea feels about at naive as abstinence-based sex education. Thus, we consulted Human Resources of New York president Lorri Zelman, whose organization advises local companies on employee practices, to learn about the boundaries between an inadvisable indulgence and career suicide.

Your risk depends completely on your company’s specific guidelines (which might be worth reading this time of year). But as a blanket statement, Zelman says that any office fling “opens an employee up to disciplinary action up to and including termination.” The reality is rarely as draconian as this statement makes it sound. Some industries tend to be more lenient about intra-office dating (especially media—hooray for us), and Zelman concedes that “typically you get one to two warnings—verbal and written” before the harsh specter of forced unemployment comes into play.

For bosses
Life is good in the corner office. Typical HR practices allow you to get away with almost anything, provided you can avoid the Bill Clinton syndrome. “A boss hooking up with an intern is the absolute worst,” Zelman says. Not only will the intern be disciplined (and likely booted), but this is about the only case in which your age and seniority would be considered improperly wielded, leading to punishment for you as well.

In other cases in which you bed colleagues on the lower rungs, you probably won’t be the one to suffer. “Very often one of the two will have to go,” Zelman explains, “and you take into account the job with the most responsibility.” The person whose departure “would have the most significant impact on the organization”—that’s you, if you’re doing your job right—will be retained, while your romantic interest will be canned or possibly transferred.

For average joes (and janes)
Basically, read the previous paragraph and invert the advice. The more directly you are supervised by the person you’re getting dirty with, the more dangerous the situation for you. Relationships with a direct manager are the most likely to attract HR attention and to end badly for you.

If you’re thinking of hooking up with a peer or someone from another department, consider the “most significant impact” clause above, and perform your own risk-reward calculations. If the person is hot enough, or if your employer has convenient transfer options, maybe you’re okay with the possibility you’ll be deemed less essential. “I used to work at a hotel,” Zelman reminisces. “At our annual holiday party it became obvious that a boss and a subordinate were together, and one was moved to another location.”

For women
Like your dad before your first date, the HR managers will police your party attire. If your coverage-to-cleavage ratio falls on the lower side, prepare yourself for an embarrassing summons in the near future. A hoochie outfit won’t get you fired (unless you’re really on thin ice), but “we would offer counseling the next day,” Zelman warns.

For everyone
Perhaps surprisingly, the personnel department loves it when you keep things casual. “From an HR perspective, surreptitious one-night stands are better—we don’t have to deal with those,” Zelman says. “Party hookups and relationships, we have to deal with.” Along those lines, you’re much better off if you can wait until the cab to consummate a party score. “If a couple is giggling and inseparable all night and then leave together, we have to assume nothing else happened,” Zelman notes. Translation: There will be no warning or counseling session in the morning.

And yet, as HR giveth, so HR taketh away. Even if you’re careful to keep your intra-office booty sessions strictly extracurricular, any chance encounter with a human-resources person could do you in. “When you are in HR and know of a relationship, you are obligated to say something or get fired for violation of company policy,” Zelman explains. You can even get busted secondhand, if the gossip spreads too widely. “I happened to hear about a couple of relationships while I was out socially in a bar,” Zelman says, “and I was like, ‘Why did you tell me? Now I have to do something about it.’”

If that seems unfair, console yourself with this: E-mail is not the unlimited surveillance medium you might have suspected. E-mail is company property, yes, and policies stipulate that a company can audit randomly or for certain keywords. However, attempting to uncover office hanky-panky by targeting an individual’s in-box opens a legal can of worms that bosses would rather avoid. “It could be viewed as an invasion of privacy,” Zelman says.