One-man Brand

Do you still struggle to get through customs these days?
I get stopped quite a lot. Even though I've not taken drugs or had a drink and haven't been arrested for over six years now, I think I still have a gait and manner of a man who might be about to do something illegal.

Did you really travel with drugs up your ass?
It’s a necessity as a drug addict. It's more important than your wash bag, really. There's no sense going away without drugs if you're a drug addict, because it's not a holiday. It doesn't matter how nice a place you go to, you will still be shivering on the beach. I know you can get drugs on holiday, but as an addict you need them as soon as you get off the plane, so you can't muck about.

When was the last time you were body-searched?
Seven years ago, when I was thrown off a plane in Barcelona for causing a ruckus. Not full cavity, thankfully, otherwise they would have found I was carrying heroin and marijuana. I generally traveled with drugs up my arse in the belief that if customs officers decided to pursue this unsavory line of inquiry, my day would already be ruined, and the discovery of crack or heroin couldn't make it much worse.

When was the last time you were arrested?
May Day 2001, when I stripped naked at an antiglobalization protest. I've not been arrested or had any confrontation with the police since I've been off drugs. Obviously, not a coincidence.

You've been sacked in pretty dramatic fashion from most of your previous jobs, haven't you? Perhaps most notably when you turned up to work at MTV the day after 9/11 dressed as Osama bin Laden and introduced your heroin dealer, Gritty, and his eight-year-old son to Kylie Minogue…
Kylie was our guest on the show that day. Me, Gritty and his son, Edwin, went into the toilet, and the two older members of our party smoked some crack. Edwin didn't have any. He was just a little boy and seemed quite upbeat about life. Children don't need drugs, because they have sweets. We blearily swaggered out of the disabled toilet, and on the other side of the foyer I saw Kylie, all famous and everything. Before I knew it, I'd walked across the foyer, made a kind of "wooh-ooh" noise—in a mum-across-a-neighbour's-fence sort of way—and said, "Kylie, meet Gritty." And there's me standing beside them, dressed as Osama bin Laden. I thought, It don't get much better than this. And it didn't, 'cause they sacked me about two days later.

Just last year you resigned from your BBC Radio 2 show after broadcasting messages you left on the voicemail of Andrew Sachs [the actor who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers], apologizing for having sex with his granddaughter. Thirty thousand complaints and condemnation from the prime minister. Nice work.
Some commentators said it was the biggest U.K. media story since the death of Diana. Certainly in terms of newspaper inches, if that is any way to judge anything, it was big.

All these scandals don't seem to have held you back. It all just seems to have made you more famous.
Yes, that's fair. If people want to sack me, they should be prepared for the consequences. Really, I'm a good person. I care deeply about people. I'm just motivated by a peculiar cocktail of love and vanity.

Given that you haven't been able to hold down a single job until recently, it's pretty impressive that you now have several on the go. Are you making up for lost time?
Yeah, very much. I've got to do all of it, because I was unemployed and unemployable for such a significant portion of my life. I'm trying to make up for eight to ten years.

You struggled with bulimia and self-harm as a teenager. Have you ever been diagnosed with any mental illnesses?
Yes, depression and manic depression and more latterly, bipolar. Attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity. It's difficult to know which of those diagnoses are correct, because most of the time I was very young and on drugs.

Are you happier these days? Or is it still up and down?
Yes, much happier. This is the closest I have got to feeling fulfilled.

Your past drug addictions are well documented. Mainly by you in your autobiography, My Booky Wook. Are you still an addict?
I would never, ever be arrogant enough to say that addiction has been conquered; I just don't take drugs anymore or drink, one day at a time. Hopefully it can go into a form of remission if one pursues a program of recovery, but I think addiction is a lifelong condition.

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