Yes men

Three Kids agree: Which one is the heartthrob?
McKinney: Bruce.
Thompson: Bruce. He’s not threatening to teenagers; they don’t have to stand on a stool to kiss him.
McDonald: The dark women who write poems and cut their wrists like Bruce. And teenyboppers like Dave. Elegant, sophisticated women like Mark.
Scott gets the ones who say, “Give me a few minutes and I’ll change him.” And once every five years, an obsessive woman camps outside my house.

Three Kids agree: Name one of your favorite sketches or characters.
Thompson: Kevin’s “Will do” piece. I just saw it again on YouTube and almost had a heart attack.
McCulloch: A thing that Kevin does called the King of Empty Promises, where he goes “Will do!” but keeps making excuses.
McDonald: I say, “Will do.” Then when I forget, I say, “It slipped my mind.” I was sort of the King of Empty Promises in real life, so that was my favorite of my own.

Two Kids agree: Who’s the most difficult on tour?
McCulloch: Scott. He’s always spilling coffee on your computer, and he’s two hours late, and he’s mad at you for being late, and he doesn’t understand why the bus can’t fly, and why his Internet won’t work.… But listen, he’s also the most entertaining. You can put a frame around him and he’s a TV set.
Thompson: Me. Because I have to sleep with me. I don’t know, I just said that so I’d appear self-deprecating—so it’s me because of my false humility! That’s the sort of bit that Dave would say, “Yeah that’s almost a joke, Scott.” Thank you, Dave: That’s almost a compliment.

—Jane Borden