Bloody hysterical

Jim Jeffries says the word cunt as frequently as teenage girls say like. The Aussie stand-up, who makes his American debut at Carolines on Broadway this week, traffics in autobiographical stories about sex, masturbation and racing the mentally challenged, yet there’s no undercurrent of sick or malicious intent within the ribbing. More often than not, Jeffries is mocking himself. “Some comics are really good at being manic onstage,” he says in a phone interview just before a San Francisco gig. “Others sell a piece through bravado. What I do well is say really disgusting things without people getting upset.” Indeed, he delivers lines such as “When retarded people come, do they look normal?” with the sheepish grin and puppy-dog eyes of someone who just honestly wants to know. He is intensely likable and reminds you of a kid brother, albeit one you’d take to a strip club.

The 30-year-old, who lives in London, is already a star in the U.K., where he’s been building a following for the past five years. At the 2006 Edinburgh Fringe Festival, his show Second Coming—which came with an 18-or-older age restriction—sold out well before the monthlong run began. Kelly McKeigan, the talent producer for Montreal’s big-league comedy fest Just for Laughs, says that Jeffries, who first appeared in the festival in 2005, is the only comic ever to have been accepted solely from a submission tape. “I watched it and booked him instantly,” she recalls.

“People just become instant fans,” agrees comedian and The Aristocrats director Paul Provenza, who’s gigged with Jeffries on the road. “He’s so forthright with his vulnerabilities; his shortcomings are there for everyone to see.” Recently the comedian’s act has included bits about the removal of a cancerous tumor (from his penis, no less) and a robbery at the hands of machete-wielding thugs, and recollections of being molested as a child. The stories are all true—and all hilarious. As McKeigan puts it, “Other people would be horrified that these things happened to them—he takes them and makes them funny.” Provenza compares him to Richard Pryor. Jeffries, on the other hand, compares himself inversely to an iceberg. “I’m 90 percent above water,” he says. “It doesn’t bother me if people know.”

His candor bothers some people, however. During a set at the Manchester Comedy Store in April, Jeffries slapped down a heckler with, “I’m gonna leave you alone like your dad did. Too bad your uncle didn’t.” Five minutes later, an unrelated audience member stormed the stage and landed several punches on Jeffries’s head and face before being dragged away. (It was later discovered that the assailant had been sexually abused as a child.)

Jeffries’s humor has also drawn ire from the church. A representative from Christian Voice, a U.K. conservative religious organization, branded him “sick and repellent.” Although he’s out as an atheist and gleefully attacks Christianity onstage, Jeffries declines the designation of crusader. “Comedy’s not there to educate,” he says. “I’m not going to change anybody’s mind; I’m just talking to the atheists who cheer.”

In fact, Jeffries loathes the “important” label, period. To his sycophants, he says, “ ‘Genius’? I’ve just written a good joke about genitalia. There’s a guy regrowing stem cells in a lab somewhere—that’s genius.”

Best offense

"I know exactly how small my dick is. You think you’re telling me something I don’t already know? But does any woman in this room truly know the size of her cunt?"

"Jesus didn’t know he was Christ until he was 30. I’ve still got two months."

[To a heckler] "You’re a nice lady. I’d never fuck you; I’d only make love to you—and then come on your face. Which, unfortunately, would take most of the fake tan off, so you and your son shut up."

"I got myself a Jenna Jameson rubber vibrating vagina. On the side of the box it says, vibrates to give realistic sensation. Realistic if you’re fucking a girl with Parkinson’s."

"Women to me are like public toilets. They’re all dirty—except for the disabled ones."

[On porn customer service] I said, “Can I please have Cumshots Deluxe?” And he said, “To be honest with you, sir, Cumshots Deluxe 2 is much better.” Then, just as a gag, I go: “If I haven’t seen Cumshots Deluxe, will I still understand the story line of Cumshots Deluxe 2?” And I swear to God, the dude went, “I’ll get my manager.” Then the manager said, “Ah, you should be okay, it’s mostly just come shots.”