How to work the system

Can you really bribe your way into an apartment?
“Renters and buyers can try to bribe the management company themselves. One guy wanted to give the landlord a Mercedes. He had bad credit, and he was going to lose his Mercedes anyway. He said to the owner, ‘Take it, just take over the payment.’ They said no, and wanted a year’s rent up front. Landlords don’t care. They don’t want rich trust funders, spending all day playing Wii and listening to Led Zeppelin. They don’t care about your money. They want educated, hardworking people who work every day.”—James Blanchard, Manhattan broker

What about using something slightly more subtle?
“We have had a few examples of very anxious buyers who did land a deal from giving homemade cookies, Broadway tickets and a backstage tour, Super Bowl tickets and flying time on a private jet.”—Wendy J. Sarasohn, senior vice president, the Corcoran Group

But having enough cash will get you anywhere, right?
“It would be easier to buy Billy Joel’s mansion, if you had the money, than rent an apartment in Manhattan. We had Robert Durst come in looking to buy—you know him? The Durst family owns half of Manhattan. He’s a nut. His first wife’s missing. Then he [was acquitted of] killing someone down in Texas. We were working with him, as salespeople, looking for a place. Every landlord turned him down. Everybody. It was like O.J. trying to get a place. The problem is the clients think they can hem and haw, or offer sex, booze and money under the table. But it’s still up to the landlord. They’re ruthless. Landlords run their own little fiefdoms. It’s like their own castles in the Middle Ages.”—anonymous Manhattan broker

What scams should I be on the lookout for?
“There are tons of ads on Craigslist advertising everything. You usually know immediately which are legit. If you see an ad that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Watch out for the bait and switch. You’ll show up and they’ll say, ‘Oh, that apartment is rented, but I have something else to show you.’ Red flag. Ask lots of questions to feel the broker out; good brokers will let you know up front if something isn’t available.”—Anis Attarwala, broker, Manhattan Connection

What could get a renter thrown out?
“I had one client—when the super handed her the keys after she said she was going to have her father ‘live’ there instead of her, she mentioned that the apartment was actually for her. She should have said something like, ‘I’m just putting something away, getting the keys for him.’ She was basically told to vacate the apartment immediately. If you’re gonna do it, commit to the lie.”—anonymous Manhattan broker

Should you charm the super?
“I’ve made some mistakes picking tenants because they looked great on paper. Now, I always meet them in person first. I need to know if we have a little bit of chemistry. I’ve been in real estate for over 20 years. At first I thought it was just a numbers business, but over the years I’ve learned it’s more of a people business. I’ve had some brokers offer me part of their commission—but I didn’t have the kind of head to accept the bribe.”—anonymous West Village building manager

How much should you love your broker?
“I was showing a place down in Tribeca, to this couple, a husband and wife. And this woman was being very flirty. A little bit touchy-feely with me even though her husband was around. They fell in love with the place, a loft downtown. Then suddenly the guy went to the bathroom, and she turns to me. She said, ‘Whatever you do, get me this place’ and kisses me! I was so shocked I didn’t know what was going on. But I got them the apartment—that’s when I knew no matter what, they were gonna take it.”—anonymous Manhattan broker

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Apartments 2009
New York City apartments guide.